Good evening. Like you, I am so at a loss for words and heartbroken about the tragedy in Newton, CT at Sandy Hook Elementary.
I have had a desire to start a “Moms in Prayer” group at Brookshire and unfortunately have just not taken the initiative to do just that. I get emails for the group and the suggestion of a group prayer time on Monday morning for our school and schools nationwide, especially the community of Sandy Hook Elementary was received this weekend.
This is an invite to take some time in devotion and prayer. From the comfort of your home before children awake and the Monday morning rush takes place- I am aiming for somewhere between 5:30-7:00AM- sit quietly, read below and we will pray in One Accord.
Praise—Praising God for who He is, His attributes, His name or His character.
Attribute: God Our Stronghold
Definition: fortified place, fortress, refuge
Scripture(s): 2 Samuel 22:1-3; Psalm 18:2; Proverbs 18:10
Thoughts: God is the One we run to in times of trouble…and always!
Confession—Silently confessing your sins to the God who forgives.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NASB)
Thanksgiving—Thanking God for what He has done.
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people. 1 Timothy 2:1
Thank you, Jesus, that you are our Rock eternal. Our Savior and Refuge.
Thank you Jesus, that you ARE victorious. That you have given us a free will and it is our choice to accept or reject you.
Thank you for the first responders who bravely entered the school and dealt with the initial trauma.
Thank you for the teachers who bravely protected the children in their classroom.
Thank you for every life spared.
Intercession—Coming to God in prayer on behalf of others.
Scripture: Philippians 4:6-7 May _____not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present his/her requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard ______’s heart and mind in Christ Jesus.”
Pray…
For the families of those who lost their lives: That they would turn their lives to you, Father. That in their sorrow you would grant them strength and grace to make it through the coming days and months. That they would return to you, Lord, with all their heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. That mercy and comfort would be extended to their tender hearts. That this Christmas our families that are grieving would recognize the glorious peace and comfort that comes through faith in you.
For the siblings of those who lost their lives: That Our Father would protect them from the enemy of their soul. That they would find comfort in their family and in the knowledge of your great mercy. That Jesus would be present in their sleep and the darkness of their heart would be warmed by His light. That our Abba Father would comfort them during difficult days ahead.
The family of Adam Lanza: That they would not be judged as they mourn the loss of their mother, brother and victims in this tragedy. That the Lord would give the Sandy Hook School families and community strength to forgive. That the Lord would draw the Lanza family into a saving relationship through the blood of Jesus Christ.
The students, faculty and administration of the Sandy Hook Elementary School: For the Lord to bestow mercy to the children's healing hearts as they mourn the loss of their classmates, administrators, teachers and their perceived safety. That Our Lord would restore the school classrooms with spiritual and emotional healing. That children and families would cling to Jesus as their Rock, Fortress and Deliverer. For Christ to be present in the rebuilding of lives and programs in the wake of this tremendous tragedy.
All of our schools and communities across the USA: That we Christian Americans would humble ourselves, pray, seek Our Lord's face and turn from our sinful ways. That the Lord would hear from heaven and forgive our sin and heal our land. That this tragedy would glorify God through a fierce Holy Spirit led cross-country revival. For repentant hearts that would cling to Jesus. We pray that the Lord would raise up women to join the mighty army of prayer warrior moms and grandmoms that stand in the gap for our children and schools.
Revival in our schools: That every student would have the opportunity to hear of the grace and mercy afforded to us by Our Lord Jesus Christ. That Christian students would be beacons of Christ's light to those who are living in darkness. For the Holy Spirit to move among the hallways of each school in the United States. For students to respond to God's great love and everlasting peace.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen". Ephesians 3: 20-21
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
School Bells and Miles
Well, we are mid way through first quarter already. WHAAAA??? Crazy. Mid quarter reports come home this week. It's nice to be back in a school routine and structured activities. Although I sooo very much miss walking down the block to school. Ackkkk! My most favorite thing about our school and now it's gone. Just for a year though!
Brookshire is gone. Well, except for the "new roof" cafeteria. Remember those hurricanes in 2004?? Well, the cafeteria had to get a new roof. So while they are building a brand spanking new facility (that was way overdue)....the cafeteria will just be renovated. So dumb. The girls had a fun day with classmates on the last days of school "saying good-bye" to the building...
We are "off campus" this year. It's not any worse than our old campus. The girls could take a bus so we gave that a try. We tried for a week. Too many things I didn't love it about and too many things Lydia : ) didn't love about it....and for just a year....it wasn't worth it to me to "force" the issue. So I drive them in and actually our little :10 ride is LOVELY. We chit chat and I listen.
Lina is in 4th grade. Which just blows my mind. It's a big year for her. She has two teachers for homeroom (they job share....kind of crazy, but it works). One of her teachers is a good friend's mom and a good friend of mine. Both teachers are sweet. Lina is in the school chorus and giving the violin a try in the school orchestra. Music is her thing. She loves music. I think it's time to stop dipping toes in this and that and focus on her love of music. We are looking for violin lessons. HOWEVER, she is playing volleyball at the Y.....and I am coaching the team. So cute. Great girls. It's really a lot of fun and Lina is enjoying that as well.
Lydia is in 1st grade. My little Lyddie bug. School is not Lyd's most favorite. Her teacher is the same teacher Lina had in 1st grade and we just love the now, Mrs. Lewis. She is so dear to us all. Lydia struggles with reading and reallllllly isn't terribly motivated by ANYthing to read. Lyd's personality and her "if it's on her mind out of her mouth it comes" makes me laugh (most days) and her snuggles wake me up EVERY single night. : ) Lydia is giving gymnastics a try this year- after enjoying the Olympics- and "she already knows how to dance" : )
Lila is in PreK (or VPK here in FL) at Trinity. Still a little bit. Lila goes to school M-F 9-12...although we will be taking 1 or 2 Fridays a month off from school. We just started back to speech and OT this week also after a 6 month hiatus. Lila still has her little hand flapping tic going on and some other little behaviors that I hope being back in therapy will help us. While she is "so cute"....eventually all that will get her made fun of and really I just want to be able to help her.
Me? Ohh, I am just fine. : ) Still training faithfully for this half marathon in November. Today I went 7 miles. It took me an hour and :45. So that's half my race distance. YIKES! My hips are killing me, but I am faithfully out there waking at 5:45 every morning or at the Y for treadmill and Zumba! : ) Feeling pretty good though. I have been having a little anxiety and weepiness lately....about "looking back this time last year"....it's been a year since my mom said those words, and it's coming up soon when Carmen shared her words, and before I know it- it will be December and a year since I HEARD those words. But a friend said to look back at how a year ago all that was going on, but look how God heard, answered, and has taken care of those prayers. And she is right. I praise God for His healing hand.
Brookshire is gone. Well, except for the "new roof" cafeteria. Remember those hurricanes in 2004?? Well, the cafeteria had to get a new roof. So while they are building a brand spanking new facility (that was way overdue)....the cafeteria will just be renovated. So dumb. The girls had a fun day with classmates on the last days of school "saying good-bye" to the building...
We are "off campus" this year. It's not any worse than our old campus. The girls could take a bus so we gave that a try. We tried for a week. Too many things I didn't love it about and too many things Lydia : ) didn't love about it....and for just a year....it wasn't worth it to me to "force" the issue. So I drive them in and actually our little :10 ride is LOVELY. We chit chat and I listen.
Lina is in 4th grade. Which just blows my mind. It's a big year for her. She has two teachers for homeroom (they job share....kind of crazy, but it works). One of her teachers is a good friend's mom and a good friend of mine. Both teachers are sweet. Lina is in the school chorus and giving the violin a try in the school orchestra. Music is her thing. She loves music. I think it's time to stop dipping toes in this and that and focus on her love of music. We are looking for violin lessons. HOWEVER, she is playing volleyball at the Y.....and I am coaching the team. So cute. Great girls. It's really a lot of fun and Lina is enjoying that as well.
Lydia is in 1st grade. My little Lyddie bug. School is not Lyd's most favorite. Her teacher is the same teacher Lina had in 1st grade and we just love the now, Mrs. Lewis. She is so dear to us all. Lydia struggles with reading and reallllllly isn't terribly motivated by ANYthing to read. Lyd's personality and her "if it's on her mind out of her mouth it comes" makes me laugh (most days) and her snuggles wake me up EVERY single night. : ) Lydia is giving gymnastics a try this year- after enjoying the Olympics- and "she already knows how to dance" : )
Lila is in PreK (or VPK here in FL) at Trinity. Still a little bit. Lila goes to school M-F 9-12...although we will be taking 1 or 2 Fridays a month off from school. We just started back to speech and OT this week also after a 6 month hiatus. Lila still has her little hand flapping tic going on and some other little behaviors that I hope being back in therapy will help us. While she is "so cute"....eventually all that will get her made fun of and really I just want to be able to help her.
Me? Ohh, I am just fine. : ) Still training faithfully for this half marathon in November. Today I went 7 miles. It took me an hour and :45. So that's half my race distance. YIKES! My hips are killing me, but I am faithfully out there waking at 5:45 every morning or at the Y for treadmill and Zumba! : ) Feeling pretty good though. I have been having a little anxiety and weepiness lately....about "looking back this time last year"....it's been a year since my mom said those words, and it's coming up soon when Carmen shared her words, and before I know it- it will be December and a year since I HEARD those words. But a friend said to look back at how a year ago all that was going on, but look how God heard, answered, and has taken care of those prayers. And she is right. I praise God for His healing hand.
Friday, August 10, 2012
All Clear!
I have had 4 PET scans since December. I know the routine and really they aren't terrible. The worst part is getting a blood draw and IV started for the dye. Being in "the tube" for :20 isn't a big deal. It's all the thinking of "what ifs" and the dreaded waiting 24-48 hours to have that appointment with my oncologist that I can't bear. I thought I was going to throw up all day today.
Today I met with my oncologist to discuss my PET from 2 days ago. I go in spurts- confident in HIS HEALING HAND or completely can't get a grip on my emotions or FEAR of what if. This week was fear. Dr. Z walked in the room and I thought I would throw up. My heart rate was 110 and he knew I was a wreck. "Your PET scan is clear as usual" and I lost it. Great conversation followed though- I HATE being at that clinic. I hate being in that office. Seeing this very kind and good dr makes me ILL. I told him that it was 8 months ago today that we met. He then said, "it's going to be 4 years and 4 months till this relationship is over"....till the word "CURED" is said. He was very encouraging saying that I have been in remission for 7 months and he doesn't expect anything different, but none of this is 100%. And the reasonable side of me KNOWS that and BELIEVES that, but the mommy who doesn't want her girls to go through this crap again EVER...... Dr. Z also told me to get the first PET scan of the day and email him the day I get it....he will then email me THAT DAY with the results. And make appointments on Fridays- there was hardly anyone in the clinic.
I have an appointment in November and will do another PET scan. Sigh. Then it will be one in 6 months. And from there I didn't want to know anymore. I hate cancer. And really. I KNOW that I had a "pretty easy" course of action and for that I AM SO THANKFUL FOR!!
I have been feeling so great these days. AdvoCare. Ever hear of it?? CHECK IT OUT. I was introduced a year ago and started using a few products. Then a "curveball" came my way and I didn't continue what I was using other than 1 product all through chemo. Well, I have been eating so much better, exercising faithfully, and adding these supplements to my day. If you are looking for something to help strengthen yourself- ask me about this My AdvoCare page And a plug for the "My Fitness Pal" app for iphone. CHECK THAT OUT! Keeps me so accountable and I have some cheerleaders and support there. I am confident that the 12 lbs that I have lost in July will only continue to melt away.
Being able to "run" 5 miles 3x a week has been HUGE. Next week I will start my training with LLS Team in Training. There is a dinner on Wednesday where I have the honor of being an "Honored Hero" for the season. My friend Debbie has been walking with me at dark o'clock in the morning 3 x a week. If you don't have an organization that you support, may I recommend LLS through my Team in Training page??? I will participate in the Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon November 10.
Next step? My useless port comes out on Monday morning. I have to be at FL Hospital at 5:30 in the AM. My procedure is at 7:30. That's it. Last bit of "this".
Today I met with my oncologist to discuss my PET from 2 days ago. I go in spurts- confident in HIS HEALING HAND or completely can't get a grip on my emotions or FEAR of what if. This week was fear. Dr. Z walked in the room and I thought I would throw up. My heart rate was 110 and he knew I was a wreck. "Your PET scan is clear as usual" and I lost it. Great conversation followed though- I HATE being at that clinic. I hate being in that office. Seeing this very kind and good dr makes me ILL. I told him that it was 8 months ago today that we met. He then said, "it's going to be 4 years and 4 months till this relationship is over"....till the word "CURED" is said. He was very encouraging saying that I have been in remission for 7 months and he doesn't expect anything different, but none of this is 100%. And the reasonable side of me KNOWS that and BELIEVES that, but the mommy who doesn't want her girls to go through this crap again EVER...... Dr. Z also told me to get the first PET scan of the day and email him the day I get it....he will then email me THAT DAY with the results. And make appointments on Fridays- there was hardly anyone in the clinic.
I have an appointment in November and will do another PET scan. Sigh. Then it will be one in 6 months. And from there I didn't want to know anymore. I hate cancer. And really. I KNOW that I had a "pretty easy" course of action and for that I AM SO THANKFUL FOR!!
I have been feeling so great these days. AdvoCare. Ever hear of it?? CHECK IT OUT. I was introduced a year ago and started using a few products. Then a "curveball" came my way and I didn't continue what I was using other than 1 product all through chemo. Well, I have been eating so much better, exercising faithfully, and adding these supplements to my day. If you are looking for something to help strengthen yourself- ask me about this My AdvoCare page And a plug for the "My Fitness Pal" app for iphone. CHECK THAT OUT! Keeps me so accountable and I have some cheerleaders and support there. I am confident that the 12 lbs that I have lost in July will only continue to melt away.
Being able to "run" 5 miles 3x a week has been HUGE. Next week I will start my training with LLS Team in Training. There is a dinner on Wednesday where I have the honor of being an "Honored Hero" for the season. My friend Debbie has been walking with me at dark o'clock in the morning 3 x a week. If you don't have an organization that you support, may I recommend LLS through my Team in Training page??? I will participate in the Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon November 10.
Next step? My useless port comes out on Monday morning. I have to be at FL Hospital at 5:30 in the AM. My procedure is at 7:30. That's it. Last bit of "this".
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Life Renewed
We are slowly getting back to "normal" around here and really enjoying a summer break.
Summer started off with a visit with my good friend, Denise and her family, the day school let out. We enjoyed a pizza night and kids playing. Denise's babies (ha) were born in Russia and she traveled just a few months before we did. It was neat to see our "Russia girls" playing and being friends.
The following week my mom and dad came to their time share for 5 days. Ahhh. It was so nice to be together. We were quite the group though. My mom has a funky skin rash that doctors aren't quite sure what's going on- so she kinda stayed out of the sun. My dad scraped his shins pretty badly the week before so he was avoiding the water. Me. Not at the pool :15 I decide to be "fun mom" and go down the water slide with Lila. I landed and saw stars. Something pulled, zig zagged, SOMEthing not right in my knee. Ugggghhh. I sucked it up for two days and finally went and got an x ray. Nothing torn, but I sprained it. That is slowly on the mend. Annoying. But we managed to have a good week. The girls LOVE being out at Orange Lake. And they did a sleep over- as I had an early doctor appointment one morning so I went home. Always fun to be with Grammy and Papa....and it's been a long time.
This past week we took a trip to Blowing Rock, NC. Ahhhh. It was PER-fect. Just perfect. We left at o'dark thirty in the am and pulled into the driveway of our mountain get away about 4PM. Rich, Mary, and kiddos (and two dogs) were there also. We enjoyed meals, sights, and s'more making with them. For Lina's b-day (my baby big girl turned 9!!) we spent the day at the creek playing- making dams and chutes to tube through. The kids had a blast. Lydia surprised me the most. Lina I expect to enjoy it, get dirty, climb, swim, repeat. Lydia not so much. BUT she LOVED the creek. She got dirty, picked up rocks, played in tube, EVERYthing. It was so fun to see her enjoy the outdoors. Lila enjoys anything she does. She loved throwing rocks in the water...and sometimes hitting a sister or friend. YIKES. Still some learning to do. We went gem mining, blueberry picking, went on two 2 mile hikes, Linville Caverns, ate too much, enjoyed a happy hour or two, and just enjoyed a fire at night, some fireworks, and being together.
I loved escaping from the thoughts of lymphoma. Ugh. I didn't think one minute about dr appointments, medicine, port, PET scans, NOTHING. It was refreshing. Then Thursday rolled around and I started thinking about our trip home and what the week ahead held. I have a port flush this week and an appointment with my new primary doc- whom I just love. My PET is scheduled for August 8. Once I hear that is "all clear" I think, (oh I hope) I will take a deep breath and trust that this is GONE and not coming back.
I joined Team in Training with Leukemia Lymphoma Society and will "run" a half marathon in November. I get to be an "Honored Hero". So funny because the first thing I said when all "this" went down in December....is that I wasn't doing races or any of that....and here I am with a goal of raising $1, 500 to rid the world of this crap. I am hoping to get out to the training sessions this week and some on my own. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and finish that blooming race. Let's Do it! GO TEAM!
This is my fundraising page http://pages.teamintraining.org/ncfl/diswine12/jblackwzfx
Summer is flying by. I hate that. I had such goals/plans for the summer and it's going so fast. What I want to do:
Thankful for each day though- that 's for sure. My friend, Kendra, is still making great progress in Seatle following her stroke. I remember the fight she has and my troubles....don't seem so big.
Here are some pictures of NC!
Summer started off with a visit with my good friend, Denise and her family, the day school let out. We enjoyed a pizza night and kids playing. Denise's babies (ha) were born in Russia and she traveled just a few months before we did. It was neat to see our "Russia girls" playing and being friends.
The following week my mom and dad came to their time share for 5 days. Ahhh. It was so nice to be together. We were quite the group though. My mom has a funky skin rash that doctors aren't quite sure what's going on- so she kinda stayed out of the sun. My dad scraped his shins pretty badly the week before so he was avoiding the water. Me. Not at the pool :15 I decide to be "fun mom" and go down the water slide with Lila. I landed and saw stars. Something pulled, zig zagged, SOMEthing not right in my knee. Ugggghhh. I sucked it up for two days and finally went and got an x ray. Nothing torn, but I sprained it. That is slowly on the mend. Annoying. But we managed to have a good week. The girls LOVE being out at Orange Lake. And they did a sleep over- as I had an early doctor appointment one morning so I went home. Always fun to be with Grammy and Papa....and it's been a long time.
This past week we took a trip to Blowing Rock, NC. Ahhhh. It was PER-fect. Just perfect. We left at o'dark thirty in the am and pulled into the driveway of our mountain get away about 4PM. Rich, Mary, and kiddos (and two dogs) were there also. We enjoyed meals, sights, and s'more making with them. For Lina's b-day (my baby big girl turned 9!!) we spent the day at the creek playing- making dams and chutes to tube through. The kids had a blast. Lydia surprised me the most. Lina I expect to enjoy it, get dirty, climb, swim, repeat. Lydia not so much. BUT she LOVED the creek. She got dirty, picked up rocks, played in tube, EVERYthing. It was so fun to see her enjoy the outdoors. Lila enjoys anything she does. She loved throwing rocks in the water...and sometimes hitting a sister or friend. YIKES. Still some learning to do. We went gem mining, blueberry picking, went on two 2 mile hikes, Linville Caverns, ate too much, enjoyed a happy hour or two, and just enjoyed a fire at night, some fireworks, and being together.
I loved escaping from the thoughts of lymphoma. Ugh. I didn't think one minute about dr appointments, medicine, port, PET scans, NOTHING. It was refreshing. Then Thursday rolled around and I started thinking about our trip home and what the week ahead held. I have a port flush this week and an appointment with my new primary doc- whom I just love. My PET is scheduled for August 8. Once I hear that is "all clear" I think, (oh I hope) I will take a deep breath and trust that this is GONE and not coming back.
I joined Team in Training with Leukemia Lymphoma Society and will "run" a half marathon in November. I get to be an "Honored Hero". So funny because the first thing I said when all "this" went down in December....is that I wasn't doing races or any of that....and here I am with a goal of raising $1, 500 to rid the world of this crap. I am hoping to get out to the training sessions this week and some on my own. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and finish that blooming race. Let's Do it! GO TEAM!
This is my fundraising page http://pages.teamintraining.org/ncfl/diswine12/jblackwzfx
Summer is flying by. I hate that. I had such goals/plans for the summer and it's going so fast. What I want to do:
- play with girls
- memory verses each week
- deliberate devotion time
- cursive writing with Lina
- help Lydia with reading
- therapies with Lila
- clean and organize the house
- purge
- embrace cooking healthy meals
- exercise- and get into a routine with going to the Y
- stay healthy
Thankful for each day though- that 's for sure. My friend, Kendra, is still making great progress in Seatle following her stroke. I remember the fight she has and my troubles....don't seem so big.
Here are some pictures of NC!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Done. Now Beginning.
What a week! What. A. Week.
Last Monday I had a port study done. Dumb thing hasn't cooperated at all. So I do this study. Radiologist tells me that it shouldn't be used. Oh. Great. I was to have chemo #7 on Wednesday.
Wednesday came. I showed up for Rituxin meds. I was able to get that med because it's not a chemo med. Had a consult with Dr. Z and he agreed not good to use port- there is a clot at tip which acts like a dam when nurse tried to draw blood and my obnoxious veins. He also told me I would get a PICC line done on Thursday. Again. Oh. Good.
Thursday. We went to FL Hospital and met two ladies who do nothing but PICC lines all day. Weird. I didn't care for the procedure. At all. It didn't hurt but I was fully aware and didn't love the pressure on my arm or the trouble the tech was having getting this thing in. After about :30 it was decided again that my veins are uncooperative all over my body.
I had the best cry in the hallway. Full blown sob. While walking over to clinic I just kept talking...praying. Then I was told no chemo for today. Thursday night was awful. I was scared. I was confused. I was completely unsettled.
Friday. I had a consult with oncologist to figure out what in the world we do now. Dr Z came in and told me my PET scan was clear again. That was great news. Dr Z then said "that's it- you're done with treatment". What? That was not the conversation I had played out in my mind. Dr went on to talk statistics with me. I have the best lymphoma to have. What. Ever. I responded textbook like and this crud is gone.
Praise God.
I can't "go there" emotionally yet. I will. One day at a time....
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Not So Much DONE
I am having blogger issues. Hopefully this posts though.
It's April. Just finished round 6- which I really was hoping would be the end of treatment for now. BUT it's not.
My very dear Cristy Jean arrived a week ago to take on round 6 with me. So blessed! Her big kids (Z is 16 now!! and G 14) gave their blessing for their momma to head to FL during Holy Week. And I was so blessed by this act of love!! Cristy was my college roommate for 2 years in IL and then we both transferred schools- she to WI and I in NY. So really the 22 years that we have been best frieds has been long distance. I love my time with Cristy. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me think. She makes me LAUGH!!
So Cristy and I headed to chemo. It's overwhelming for a friend to walk into "this" live and in person. She was great though. I was getting upset- she held my hand...pulled out Mad Libs....or just made me laugh. I had port troubles and Cristy was very defensive for me....my mother cub. Friday was disturbing though- with all the flushing and trying to get a blood return from port when the nurse took needle out...the blood came. All over my shirt. So gross. So disturbing. But we high tailed it out of there, flew home so I could change, C grabbed Panera lunch, picked me back up, and we headed to see "Mirror Mirror" so we could enjoy some Julia (we would watch Pretty Woman over and over....and our phrase is "take care of you").
It was a different Good Friday and Easter weekend this year. I had a beautiful 5 days with my friend though. Cristy was great- dyed eggs with the girls, took them outside alllll day so I could snooze a bit, made sure we all ate and drank, and generally just helped with the every day things that I don't have the energy for right now. It was a blessing and a treat to have her here. Lina had to sing at the sunrise service so having Cristy here that morning was so helpful getting everyone up, dressed, and out the door before 6AM was so nice. (and my Lina had a beautiful little solo that made me tear up)
I hated saying good bye. We talked about our next get together- and hopefully this summer Lydia and I will get to WI for a long weekend. Then again Lina will want to go also.....and really we should all vacation together : )
After a tearful good bye at the airport we headed over to Casa de Ramiz. We usually go for an afternoon swim on Easter but this year nothing is like we used to do so I didn't even think about it. We didn't pack suits or anything because we were just going to stop by quickly. Welllllll, it was like normal times and we chatted and laughed and didn't just talk about cancer or chemo...it was soooo nice. I finally caved and just let the girls swim in their clothes. They had a great time with that and Laura and her sweetie Bryan were good sports swimming with the girls.
Girls were sound asleep before 7PM and that was my goal : )
Then Monday rolled around. Bigs had school and Lila was home with me. I was doing some picking up and we had just started lunch when the doorbell rang. And when I went to the door.....there was little Abigail and William Lunden like they lived down the street. Allll the way from NY. And there was my Dianne and her hubby Scott hiding. Crazy. They took the auto train from NY and surprised me. Yes, they did. They are here all week. Dianne. My Dianne. I have known Dianne forever. Her aunt lived across the street from me and we always played together as kids. We are 2 years apart in age. HS we may have drifted a little, but since I was probably 11 years old she has been my bff. They are staying at a hotel nearby. The kids played so nicely after school yesterday. Going to lay low today- maybe swim after school. And I think we may play hookie on Thursday. ; )
It's April. Just finished round 6- which I really was hoping would be the end of treatment for now. BUT it's not.
My very dear Cristy Jean arrived a week ago to take on round 6 with me. So blessed! Her big kids (Z is 16 now!! and G 14) gave their blessing for their momma to head to FL during Holy Week. And I was so blessed by this act of love!! Cristy was my college roommate for 2 years in IL and then we both transferred schools- she to WI and I in NY. So really the 22 years that we have been best frieds has been long distance. I love my time with Cristy. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me think. She makes me LAUGH!!
So Cristy and I headed to chemo. It's overwhelming for a friend to walk into "this" live and in person. She was great though. I was getting upset- she held my hand...pulled out Mad Libs....or just made me laugh. I had port troubles and Cristy was very defensive for me....my mother cub. Friday was disturbing though- with all the flushing and trying to get a blood return from port when the nurse took needle out...the blood came. All over my shirt. So gross. So disturbing. But we high tailed it out of there, flew home so I could change, C grabbed Panera lunch, picked me back up, and we headed to see "Mirror Mirror" so we could enjoy some Julia (we would watch Pretty Woman over and over....and our phrase is "take care of you").
It was a different Good Friday and Easter weekend this year. I had a beautiful 5 days with my friend though. Cristy was great- dyed eggs with the girls, took them outside alllll day so I could snooze a bit, made sure we all ate and drank, and generally just helped with the every day things that I don't have the energy for right now. It was a blessing and a treat to have her here. Lina had to sing at the sunrise service so having Cristy here that morning was so helpful getting everyone up, dressed, and out the door before 6AM was so nice. (and my Lina had a beautiful little solo that made me tear up)
I hated saying good bye. We talked about our next get together- and hopefully this summer Lydia and I will get to WI for a long weekend. Then again Lina will want to go also.....and really we should all vacation together : )
After a tearful good bye at the airport we headed over to Casa de Ramiz. We usually go for an afternoon swim on Easter but this year nothing is like we used to do so I didn't even think about it. We didn't pack suits or anything because we were just going to stop by quickly. Welllllll, it was like normal times and we chatted and laughed and didn't just talk about cancer or chemo...it was soooo nice. I finally caved and just let the girls swim in their clothes. They had a great time with that and Laura and her sweetie Bryan were good sports swimming with the girls.
Girls were sound asleep before 7PM and that was my goal : )
Then Monday rolled around. Bigs had school and Lila was home with me. I was doing some picking up and we had just started lunch when the doorbell rang. And when I went to the door.....there was little Abigail and William Lunden like they lived down the street. Allll the way from NY. And there was my Dianne and her hubby Scott hiding. Crazy. They took the auto train from NY and surprised me. Yes, they did. They are here all week. Dianne. My Dianne. I have known Dianne forever. Her aunt lived across the street from me and we always played together as kids. We are 2 years apart in age. HS we may have drifted a little, but since I was probably 11 years old she has been my bff. They are staying at a hotel nearby. The kids played so nicely after school yesterday. Going to lay low today- maybe swim after school. And I think we may play hookie on Thursday. ; )
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Or How About.....
I had today allll planned out in my mind. I had the converstaions played out and everything......
OR how about this-
PA walks in to talk to me, "The home stretch, you are in the home stretch now".
"Yes, I am. Last cycle April 4, 5, and 6" and I jokingly said something about having port removed the week after. (I KNOW that isn't happening)
"Dr. Z hasn't talked about possibly cycle 7 & 8"??? says the PA.
"No. No he hasn't. It started at 4 and went to 6. But no mention of 7&8".
And the converstation continued like that. I didn't cry or become upset. There is also talk of "maintenence therapy for a YEAR" (which could be 1 med 1 day every 4 weeks)
Dr. Z came in and I began questioning him. He then said we will wait and see what repeat PET scan looks like next month. Fine. I asked him about if this is a possibility with "no activity"....a clean PET in February? He rattled off some statistics and research and mentioned how not having radiation....and blah blah blah blah. And finally, that nothing would be decided today. Then he mentioned how healthy I look, what a great color I had on, and I am doing great. So. I am taking that last sentence with me for a week of spring break playing.....and then doing some research and what not for myself.
Don't get me wrong- if 8 is what keeps me, oh alive, and not dealing with this crap ever again- I'll do it all tomorrow. Just was not expecting that today. At all.
OR how about this-
PA walks in to talk to me, "The home stretch, you are in the home stretch now".
"Yes, I am. Last cycle April 4, 5, and 6" and I jokingly said something about having port removed the week after. (I KNOW that isn't happening)
"Dr. Z hasn't talked about possibly cycle 7 & 8"??? says the PA.
"No. No he hasn't. It started at 4 and went to 6. But no mention of 7&8".
And the converstation continued like that. I didn't cry or become upset. There is also talk of "maintenence therapy for a YEAR" (which could be 1 med 1 day every 4 weeks)
Dr. Z came in and I began questioning him. He then said we will wait and see what repeat PET scan looks like next month. Fine. I asked him about if this is a possibility with "no activity"....a clean PET in February? He rattled off some statistics and research and mentioned how not having radiation....and blah blah blah blah. And finally, that nothing would be decided today. Then he mentioned how healthy I look, what a great color I had on, and I am doing great. So. I am taking that last sentence with me for a week of spring break playing.....and then doing some research and what not for myself.
Don't get me wrong- if 8 is what keeps me, oh alive, and not dealing with this crap ever again- I'll do it all tomorrow. Just was not expecting that today. At all.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A Week
I am here. Just haven't had the words to write.
BUT it's been a week since treatment and I feel SO much better than I did up until yesterday.
I was sharing with a mom friend at school today- I know that the shot I get messes with my joints and for some reason for me, I feel it in my skin and my neck also. Well. It really freaks me out. I yawned the other night and my neck felt like it did in November and it scares me. Then I start poking around at my body and looking in mirror and convince myself that chemo didn't work and "it's back". Granted, I will live like that for the rest of my life now.....but I haaaaate living like that. That's not faith. That's not trust. It is fear. And well, fear sucks.
Trying to keep life as normal as possible and have been avoiding potty training Lila because she just doesn't "get it" Well, I go to the extreme and have a behavioral therapist come to the house and we discuss my plan for the day. She tells me she wouldn't do anything different- offers a few different ideas and was on her way. Monday was a disaster. I kept a pull up on over panties (which are just sooooooooo tiny, precious, and adorable) because she just kept peeing. Tuesday. I flooded her with juice and sweet tea and every :30-:45 we were in the bathroom. She would go just a little each time. But she was dry all day. Finally she realllly went. Woke up dry Wednesday and we had a very productive day....without a pull up. So proud of her. She is still such a peanut, but is really working hard at this. And funny thing- we haven't left the house and it's been so enjoyable for both of us. Hmmm. Perhaps we need to do that more often. Too much rushing around, going there and here.....I am getting it.
Tomorrow is the last day of school before spring break! Ahhh- I cannot wait. The girls cannot wait. Friday we are starting it off by taking the big girls to the Magic game. Bob, after 6 years of waiting, finally got the company's tickets! Lila will play with Tia and Tony for the night. It should be fun!! Monday- Thursday we will be out at Orange Lake with good friends. Cannot wait for that either. Monday is Bob's b-day and Rich is making a BBQ pork dinner. Thursday we will wake up, pack up, and head over to Busch Gardens for the day. Lina has been dying to get there.....and I told her if she made her AR goal we would go. Which is not a problem for the girl because she reads and reads and reads, but she hates those tests. And I can't blame her, but she needed to do them. And she did.
I go to the oncologist tomorrow just to touch base. I always like those appointments. I like hearing, "you're doing great" and I will ask him to tell me again that "it's all gone"....and I will be good for a few days.
BUT it's been a week since treatment and I feel SO much better than I did up until yesterday.
I was sharing with a mom friend at school today- I know that the shot I get messes with my joints and for some reason for me, I feel it in my skin and my neck also. Well. It really freaks me out. I yawned the other night and my neck felt like it did in November and it scares me. Then I start poking around at my body and looking in mirror and convince myself that chemo didn't work and "it's back". Granted, I will live like that for the rest of my life now.....but I haaaaate living like that. That's not faith. That's not trust. It is fear. And well, fear sucks.
Trying to keep life as normal as possible and have been avoiding potty training Lila because she just doesn't "get it" Well, I go to the extreme and have a behavioral therapist come to the house and we discuss my plan for the day. She tells me she wouldn't do anything different- offers a few different ideas and was on her way. Monday was a disaster. I kept a pull up on over panties (which are just sooooooooo tiny, precious, and adorable) because she just kept peeing. Tuesday. I flooded her with juice and sweet tea and every :30-:45 we were in the bathroom. She would go just a little each time. But she was dry all day. Finally she realllly went. Woke up dry Wednesday and we had a very productive day....without a pull up. So proud of her. She is still such a peanut, but is really working hard at this. And funny thing- we haven't left the house and it's been so enjoyable for both of us. Hmmm. Perhaps we need to do that more often. Too much rushing around, going there and here.....I am getting it.
Tomorrow is the last day of school before spring break! Ahhh- I cannot wait. The girls cannot wait. Friday we are starting it off by taking the big girls to the Magic game. Bob, after 6 years of waiting, finally got the company's tickets! Lila will play with Tia and Tony for the night. It should be fun!! Monday- Thursday we will be out at Orange Lake with good friends. Cannot wait for that either. Monday is Bob's b-day and Rich is making a BBQ pork dinner. Thursday we will wake up, pack up, and head over to Busch Gardens for the day. Lina has been dying to get there.....and I told her if she made her AR goal we would go. Which is not a problem for the girl because she reads and reads and reads, but she hates those tests. And I can't blame her, but she needed to do them. And she did.
I go to the oncologist tomorrow just to touch base. I always like those appointments. I like hearing, "you're doing great" and I will ask him to tell me again that "it's all gone"....and I will be good for a few days.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Overwhelmingly Overwhelmed
It's been 3 weeks already. So ding ding ding Round 5 is tomorrow. Not going to lie. I AM. TIRED. OF. IT. ALL. I am tired of thinking about it all. I am tired of appointments. I am tired of making arrangements for girls. I am just done. I am tired of being....brave. But I am and I can do all things........BUT I still don't want to go tomorrow.
While I am still elated that treatment worked like textbook- I am also a wee bit overwhelmed. As a dear friend said to me, "you had freaking lymphoma- you can be overwhelmed".
BUT then I need to remember how God has completely taken care of me, the girls, and every single detail of how this has all worked out. From friends being there from day 1, to dozens and dozens of cards, to Debbie being able to be here all day on chemo days (sidebar- we had a lovely breakfast together as normal friends on my birthday and it was fabulous!!), to friends taking girls, to meals brought in (and by some people we don't even know! We have been blessed with over 40 meals and/or gift certificates for meals!!), to friends visiting just when I need them most, to memories that make me smile and laugh. Every. little. detail. I am blessed.
I also have a little guilt feeling going on. This was so quick for me. People battle for months and years with this crap. Not neccessarily lymphoma, but treatment. And I was told from day 1 that my treatment would be short and it would be gone. I went into this with those expectations and praise God that so far that is all happening. My prayer support continues and I can't express enough how much my faith has grown with "finding Jesus outside of church family". I mean, I expect that my church family is praying for me. It's the moms at school that have poured out their hearts, faith, and meals.....that has helped me to see and teach my girls that "Jesus is EVERYwhere" and that has been so so good. FOR ALL OF US!
But why me. Why was this "easy" for me? Then again...WHY ME???? Now I will worry for the rest of my life over every little itch, ache, or bump I have. WHY!!! That's not...not....well, it's not fair. And there. I sound like my 8 year old daughter. I am also not the only person to deal with this- um, hello My mother (who finishes her chemo this week!!!! and is doing amazing!! Next is radiation) and friend, Carmen (onto radiation now!) at the same time?? Just dumb. The treatment room is PACKED and more and more people know someone who is battling this crap. I don't get it. We have come so far in treating though and for that I am thankful. But enough already. I hate cancer.
The word "survivor" is heavy. I AM a survivor. Then I think about it. The alternative to being a survivor. Being faced with your possible mortality weeks before a female turns 40 SUCKS! : ) It's overwhelming. While hanging with Jesus isn't a bad idea....I have little girls that I want to see grow up. I don't want them to not have a mommy here on Earth. And please know that I don't think about this all day or every day...just typing it out and yes, I did think about all that. Probably when oncologist said, "you will see your girls get married"- the reality of this nonsense hit me.
So while I am good- I am overwhelmingly overwhelmed!
While I am still elated that treatment worked like textbook- I am also a wee bit overwhelmed. As a dear friend said to me, "you had freaking lymphoma- you can be overwhelmed".
BUT then I need to remember how God has completely taken care of me, the girls, and every single detail of how this has all worked out. From friends being there from day 1, to dozens and dozens of cards, to Debbie being able to be here all day on chemo days (sidebar- we had a lovely breakfast together as normal friends on my birthday and it was fabulous!!), to friends taking girls, to meals brought in (and by some people we don't even know! We have been blessed with over 40 meals and/or gift certificates for meals!!), to friends visiting just when I need them most, to memories that make me smile and laugh. Every. little. detail. I am blessed.
I also have a little guilt feeling going on. This was so quick for me. People battle for months and years with this crap. Not neccessarily lymphoma, but treatment. And I was told from day 1 that my treatment would be short and it would be gone. I went into this with those expectations and praise God that so far that is all happening. My prayer support continues and I can't express enough how much my faith has grown with "finding Jesus outside of church family". I mean, I expect that my church family is praying for me. It's the moms at school that have poured out their hearts, faith, and meals.....that has helped me to see and teach my girls that "Jesus is EVERYwhere" and that has been so so good. FOR ALL OF US!
But why me. Why was this "easy" for me? Then again...WHY ME???? Now I will worry for the rest of my life over every little itch, ache, or bump I have. WHY!!! That's not...not....well, it's not fair. And there. I sound like my 8 year old daughter. I am also not the only person to deal with this- um, hello My mother (who finishes her chemo this week!!!! and is doing amazing!! Next is radiation) and friend, Carmen (onto radiation now!) at the same time?? Just dumb. The treatment room is PACKED and more and more people know someone who is battling this crap. I don't get it. We have come so far in treating though and for that I am thankful. But enough already. I hate cancer.
The word "survivor" is heavy. I AM a survivor. Then I think about it. The alternative to being a survivor. Being faced with your possible mortality weeks before a female turns 40 SUCKS! : ) It's overwhelming. While hanging with Jesus isn't a bad idea....I have little girls that I want to see grow up. I don't want them to not have a mommy here on Earth. And please know that I don't think about this all day or every day...just typing it out and yes, I did think about all that. Probably when oncologist said, "you will see your girls get married"- the reality of this nonsense hit me.
So while I am good- I am overwhelmingly overwhelmed!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
It's Not A Dream
Kinda feel like I need to pinch myself...this is not a dream. Remission. It's real!!
I slept like a rock Friday night. Woke up Saturday and felt ready to be "normal" again.....slowly.
I was feeling strong enough and not bad joint pain so I was able to see my precious Amanda Lynn get married to her sweetie, Tim. I have known Amanda since she was 9 when she moved to FL just a few short months after I did....and I was her teacher. Amanda is very dear to me. So I was so happy to be there to see this big day for her. And to see my Carmen...looking so beautiful. Ah, the whole Ramiz family...they had a big day and I was happy to be there. My girls had a blast and danced the night away until they literally passed out.
Sunday I got to visit with Jen and Brendan....who were here for our marathon weekend. OOOPS- stupid lymphoma. Instead we celebrated remission with dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and tomorrow lunch at Chick-fil-A : ). Love those two. I wish we could see them more often. Jen is gearing up for the NYC 1/2 Marathon March 18th. So proud of her!
I slept like a rock Friday night. Woke up Saturday and felt ready to be "normal" again.....slowly.
I was feeling strong enough and not bad joint pain so I was able to see my precious Amanda Lynn get married to her sweetie, Tim. I have known Amanda since she was 9 when she moved to FL just a few short months after I did....and I was her teacher. Amanda is very dear to me. So I was so happy to be there to see this big day for her. And to see my Carmen...looking so beautiful. Ah, the whole Ramiz family...they had a big day and I was happy to be there. My girls had a blast and danced the night away until they literally passed out.
Sunday I got to visit with Jen and Brendan....who were here for our marathon weekend. OOOPS- stupid lymphoma. Instead we celebrated remission with dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and tomorrow lunch at Chick-fil-A : ). Love those two. I wish we could see them more often. Jen is gearing up for the NYC 1/2 Marathon March 18th. So proud of her!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Lymphoma WHO???
REMISSION! It's gone. It's all, excuse me, freaking gone!!! By HIS stripes I am healed! Claiming it and believing it!!
I am so overwhelmed- I can't get the words out that I want to share. Kind of still processing and maybe a little bit of trying to wrap my mind over this. How amazing is our Healer!
My PET scan showed "no activity". The tumor in my chest is still there- eww- but the cancer cells have been destroyed. Doc used the analogy of a honey comb...honey is sucked out, but the comb is still there. EVENTUALLY my body will absorb that, but it's a big sucker.
Doc showed PET from December and last week- you can see the difference. I have some inflammation where the biopsy was done, but that should clear itself up as my healing continues. I can tell the difference myself. I was worried about that "lump" and had myself convinced that it was more lymphoma.....probably what I will do for the rest of my life...which is really annoying.
I will need to do 2 more rounds of chemo though. JUUUUUST to make sure. I am ok with that. I will have another PET in April after the last round and from there the plan of what comes next happens. My doc is very much a step at a time guy and didn't give me any idea of monitoring afterward...like every 3 months or 6 months PET?? He did talk about radiation consult again, but he said if the next PET looks like this one he would agree with no radiation neccessary.
So. How about that news? On a Friday nonetheless....a week before my birthday! It's a brand new year.
My friend, Stephanie, dropped by with the girls after school so I could tell them. Lina smiled and hugged. Lydia lifted my hat to see if my hair grew back and asked if my port was out. LOLOL! Oh honey. I told them 2 more medicine rounds to do yet, but (interupts Lyd, 5 years old mind you) "the lymphoma is gone". Yes, sweet girl...lymphoma who??!?!?!!? Jesus heard our prayers. BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED!!
I am so overwhelmed- I can't get the words out that I want to share. Kind of still processing and maybe a little bit of trying to wrap my mind over this. How amazing is our Healer!
My PET scan showed "no activity". The tumor in my chest is still there- eww- but the cancer cells have been destroyed. Doc used the analogy of a honey comb...honey is sucked out, but the comb is still there. EVENTUALLY my body will absorb that, but it's a big sucker.
Doc showed PET from December and last week- you can see the difference. I have some inflammation where the biopsy was done, but that should clear itself up as my healing continues. I can tell the difference myself. I was worried about that "lump" and had myself convinced that it was more lymphoma.....probably what I will do for the rest of my life...which is really annoying.
I will need to do 2 more rounds of chemo though. JUUUUUST to make sure. I am ok with that. I will have another PET in April after the last round and from there the plan of what comes next happens. My doc is very much a step at a time guy and didn't give me any idea of monitoring afterward...like every 3 months or 6 months PET?? He did talk about radiation consult again, but he said if the next PET looks like this one he would agree with no radiation neccessary.
So. How about that news? On a Friday nonetheless....a week before my birthday! It's a brand new year.
My friend, Stephanie, dropped by with the girls after school so I could tell them. Lina smiled and hugged. Lydia lifted my hat to see if my hair grew back and asked if my port was out. LOLOL! Oh honey. I told them 2 more medicine rounds to do yet, but (interupts Lyd, 5 years old mind you) "the lymphoma is gone". Yes, sweet girl...lymphoma who??!?!?!!? Jesus heard our prayers. BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED!!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Round 4 Begins
I started this entry several times today.
Today was a loooong day. my appointment was for 8:30 yet chemo meds didn't start till 10:00 and we left at 2:30. Sheesh. Now that waiting time I am asked questions, vitals taken, and then orders are given to the pharmacy....apparently that poison just doesn't lay around. But it's not a surprise that I am there. Kinda annoying.
BUT I had my favorite chemo nurse and my port worked so I got over it.
Bob left for awhile to take Lila to pediatrician. She has a wicked cough and tummy woes the other end. No fever. Sleeping. Eating. Generally pleasant. Doc checked her out and seems to think it's allergies (everything is blooming) and quite possibly the virus the big girls had just taking a different route for her : )
Debbie once again above and beyond. Came home to all laundry caught up and house picked up. It Blesses me so much. Then a friend from Lydia's class brought dinner and that was lovely. Perfect for a long day.
Tomorrow is the ick day. Friday I have my consult with oncologist to discuss my PET scan and make final treatment plans.
Today was a loooong day. my appointment was for 8:30 yet chemo meds didn't start till 10:00 and we left at 2:30. Sheesh. Now that waiting time I am asked questions, vitals taken, and then orders are given to the pharmacy....apparently that poison just doesn't lay around. But it's not a surprise that I am there. Kinda annoying.
BUT I had my favorite chemo nurse and my port worked so I got over it.
Bob left for awhile to take Lila to pediatrician. She has a wicked cough and tummy woes the other end. No fever. Sleeping. Eating. Generally pleasant. Doc checked her out and seems to think it's allergies (everything is blooming) and quite possibly the virus the big girls had just taking a different route for her : )
Debbie once again above and beyond. Came home to all laundry caught up and house picked up. It Blesses me so much. Then a friend from Lydia's class brought dinner and that was lovely. Perfect for a long day.
Tomorrow is the ick day. Friday I have my consult with oncologist to discuss my PET scan and make final treatment plans.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
4 Years and 16:32
Happy Birthday to Lila Joy!
4 years ago....it was Monday- President's Day- Bob was home from work and took the big girls to the park. I went and enjoyed a lovely pedicure and a nap. I woke up and ate....pretty much a box of PB Patties and went into labor about an hour later. THEN had to wait for c-section because I had eaten. : ) Timing. Lila arrived a little less than 3 weeks early at 9 something in the evening (I for the life of me cannot remember the time right now). Lila was a blessing...a miracle....and great big (not THAT big) surprise and I am so blessed to call her my Little Bit, LiLi, Lila Bean.....my baby girl.
4 years ago....it was Monday- President's Day- Bob was home from work and took the big girls to the park. I went and enjoyed a lovely pedicure and a nap. I woke up and ate....pretty much a box of PB Patties and went into labor about an hour later. THEN had to wait for c-section because I had eaten. : ) Timing. Lila arrived a little less than 3 weeks early at 9 something in the evening (I for the life of me cannot remember the time right now). Lila was a blessing...a miracle....and great big (not THAT big) surprise and I am so blessed to call her my Little Bit, LiLi, Lila Bean.....my baby girl.
Today we celebrated our little Lila Joy with her best buddy from church/school and her family, Gramma, Murry and Grace, and her godparents. Verrrrry low key. Very enjoyable. Little Bit has come a long way especially this past year. I am so grateful for the therapists that have been placed in our life. Lila's speech and language development is coming along. Still working on the social part- but Lila is getting there. This sweet little friend of hers is so dear. Lila does not reciprocate the affection, but she definitely interacts a whole lot more than a year ago. We still don't have an "official diagnosis" and maybe there is NO diagnosis, but for now we continue with therapy (speech and OT) and pray for Lila's development. And come March we will have a Behavioral Therapist....come to the house to do some "coaching" for me! Potty training is a reeeeal issue right now.
Sisters with birthday present opening experience were very helpful!
I made Lila's cake and icing....I blame (and thank) Rennie Shultz for teaching me how to make delicious icing and am grateful for Leslie for sharing that extra confectioner sugar I needed!! Lame decorating, but M&Ms are Li's favorite! And we sang not once or twice to Lila....but three times. Candles included. She loved all the birthday celebration bits this year. So sweet!
Sweet KK playing Play Doh with Lila.
BUUUUT before celebrating Lila's b-day- myself and two dear Momma friends from Lina's class "ran" a 5K. This is a neat race.....it starts down the block from our house in front of the girls' school and goes through the neighborhood. So fun. We did it for the first time last year.....and have now claimed it an "annual event". The gals met in my driveway at 7:15 and we walked down the block (you know for warm up : ) for the 7:30 start. We planned on walking and walking we did....with goals in mind- no one in jeans passes us and if someone is older than us or in jeans in front of us we pick up the pace.
Bob was bringing the girls up to watch us cross the finish line.
We were doing well, chit chatting, and keeping a "decent" pace (I mean, I DO have lymphoma- at the moment). The last stretch I decided to pick it up and see what the ol' legs and heart could do.....and maybe to show my girls how strong I am......I crossed the finish line and found them about 2 minutes later. LOL. Oh. Well. They celebrated with me and enjoyed the "free" fruit and smoothies with us.
About an hour later I received an email with my official time and pace. 16:32 mile. Now. THAT is a horrible time, BUT I did it. I finished it and that's not too shabby of a time for gal that doesn't walk more than a mile a day now. However, once I bounce back from this chemo round...I will be walking more because clearly....my body is strong and I praise God for that and for friends walking alongside me!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Week Gone By
Whoooosh! This week flewwww by. Maybe because it was jam packed.
This week I had my coumadin check- and that is back where it needs to be. "Theraputic level" that would be called. I loathe the medical knowledge and terms I am learning. Don't get me wrong the human body is A-mazing what God created and the people (doctors/nurses/techs) that realllly have the knowledge.....rocks my world. I just want to be a mom and wife...and friend, daughter, aunt and have life just keep moving on. Uneventfully that is.
I am reading a book "One Thousand Gifts". It's a good read. HOWEVER.....I haaaaaaate reading (yes, I was a teacher). Ack. Wish that weren't true, but I hate reading. I am trying. I read a few pages....a few times and then put it down and start all over again a few days later. I just don't enjoy it. BUT I am growing so much during this stupid lymphoma journey (stupid lymphoma is what I refer to "it" as). My friend (not really- she doesn't know me at all), Beth Moore is also a good read. I can fly through her stuff though. And then talking with my friend Becky (whom I met at a very sad time of my life and who gave me this book and it CHANGED HER LIFE) about what she got from it....good stuff. I could spend hours with Becky. I love that girl. She oooooozes Holy Spirit!
Thursday was my repeat PET scan. BUUUUUT before that took place my Lydia girl was up throwing up the night before. Grrreat. Poor baby girl. She hates "spitting"- hates it. I mean no one enjoys it but she haaates it. She needs to rinse and spit immediately and wants to take a bath...and wants her hair in a bun. Well, the night/morning could have been a complete disaster and franctic calls for coverage BUT my sweet friend, Becky was here. This was way more than she bargained for (word of caution- if you come help me- it's always more than planned/expecting)- she was stripping bed and lysol/clorexing anything Lydia looked at in a matter of seconds. She then woke up before the sun with us to hang out with Lydia and spent day taking care of Lila. It was a blessing- an absolute blessing.
I got to enjoy a lovely breakfast out with my friend, Mary, after PET scan. THAT was delightful!
Today Becky helped me clean up and catch up with laundry. We laughed a lot. Talked a lot. ANND we look forward to another get-together before another 4 years go by that involves sunshine, sand, and some wine!
I am glad it's Friday and I am looking forward to a no school day on Monday.
Tomorrow my Lila Joy will be 4. THAT is crazy. 4. ANNNND in the AM I am walking a 5K with two dear Momma friends from girls' school. My goal is to finish.....and not be last. : )
This week I had my coumadin check- and that is back where it needs to be. "Theraputic level" that would be called. I loathe the medical knowledge and terms I am learning. Don't get me wrong the human body is A-mazing what God created and the people (doctors/nurses/techs) that realllly have the knowledge.....rocks my world. I just want to be a mom and wife...and friend, daughter, aunt and have life just keep moving on. Uneventfully that is.
I am reading a book "One Thousand Gifts". It's a good read. HOWEVER.....I haaaaaaate reading (yes, I was a teacher). Ack. Wish that weren't true, but I hate reading. I am trying. I read a few pages....a few times and then put it down and start all over again a few days later. I just don't enjoy it. BUT I am growing so much during this stupid lymphoma journey (stupid lymphoma is what I refer to "it" as). My friend (not really- she doesn't know me at all), Beth Moore is also a good read. I can fly through her stuff though. And then talking with my friend Becky (whom I met at a very sad time of my life and who gave me this book and it CHANGED HER LIFE) about what she got from it....good stuff. I could spend hours with Becky. I love that girl. She oooooozes Holy Spirit!
Thursday was my repeat PET scan. BUUUUUT before that took place my Lydia girl was up throwing up the night before. Grrreat. Poor baby girl. She hates "spitting"- hates it. I mean no one enjoys it but she haaates it. She needs to rinse and spit immediately and wants to take a bath...and wants her hair in a bun. Well, the night/morning could have been a complete disaster and franctic calls for coverage BUT my sweet friend, Becky was here. This was way more than she bargained for (word of caution- if you come help me- it's always more than planned/expecting)- she was stripping bed and lysol/clorexing anything Lydia looked at in a matter of seconds. She then woke up before the sun with us to hang out with Lydia and spent day taking care of Lila. It was a blessing- an absolute blessing.
I got to enjoy a lovely breakfast out with my friend, Mary, after PET scan. THAT was delightful!
Today Becky helped me clean up and catch up with laundry. We laughed a lot. Talked a lot. ANND we look forward to another get-together before another 4 years go by that involves sunshine, sand, and some wine!
I am glad it's Friday and I am looking forward to a no school day on Monday.
Tomorrow my Lila Joy will be 4. THAT is crazy. 4. ANNNND in the AM I am walking a 5K with two dear Momma friends from girls' school. My goal is to finish.....and not be last. : )
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My Big Girl
Bragger moment: Lina came home Friday with the honor of Student of the Week for the word: CARING. I am so proud of her. She has a gentle spirit and really is caring....probably more so at school some days than with her sisters, but I am proud of her!
It has always taken Lina a long time to wind down at night and fall asleep. She was a self-soothing rocker for quite some time. Then she would read....for over an hour and still have a hard time. Well in December it got a lot harder. She just can't "shut down" at night. Lina worries about the stupid FCAT that is NEXT month- "do you know if I don't pass I stay in 3rd grade". She is not in the door but :20 before the word FCAT is spoken. I hate it. I hate it for her. I hate it for her classmates. I hate it for the teachers. It's so dumb. Lina hasn't had science or social studies for a month now. The focus is on reading and math. Annoying. My one real complaint about Florida's public education system- is FCAT.
When Lina went to doctor last week Bob asked about melatonin. My wise friend, Kelly, swears by it. Well.. I am here to say- we love the magic 1.5mg pill that Lina takes at 7:30....and is asleep :30 later. She is much more pleasant now. I am so thankful.
BUT Lina still has a lot on her mind. We pray and talk a lot about what is going on now. I don't make it an issue, but if she says something or asks.....I go with it. We were just working on homework. She had the choice to change something historical or personal. My anxious mommy heart was thinking she would say "being adopted"......but she broke my mommy heart when she said, "I would change you having lymphoma". Oh baby girl....I would change that too. So we talked about it and while I do agree with her I slapped on a "happy face" and was a little more positive speaking when we talked about the strtucture of these paragraphs and reassured her that yes, this stinks but God is hearing our prayers and giving me the strength to fight!! And we talked about the good that is coming from all this also....which is just like God to show off that way. There is a lot of good. We are blessed....even though this does stink ; )
It has always taken Lina a long time to wind down at night and fall asleep. She was a self-soothing rocker for quite some time. Then she would read....for over an hour and still have a hard time. Well in December it got a lot harder. She just can't "shut down" at night. Lina worries about the stupid FCAT that is NEXT month- "do you know if I don't pass I stay in 3rd grade". She is not in the door but :20 before the word FCAT is spoken. I hate it. I hate it for her. I hate it for her classmates. I hate it for the teachers. It's so dumb. Lina hasn't had science or social studies for a month now. The focus is on reading and math. Annoying. My one real complaint about Florida's public education system- is FCAT.
When Lina went to doctor last week Bob asked about melatonin. My wise friend, Kelly, swears by it. Well.. I am here to say- we love the magic 1.5mg pill that Lina takes at 7:30....and is asleep :30 later. She is much more pleasant now. I am so thankful.
BUT Lina still has a lot on her mind. We pray and talk a lot about what is going on now. I don't make it an issue, but if she says something or asks.....I go with it. We were just working on homework. She had the choice to change something historical or personal. My anxious mommy heart was thinking she would say "being adopted"......but she broke my mommy heart when she said, "I would change you having lymphoma". Oh baby girl....I would change that too. So we talked about it and while I do agree with her I slapped on a "happy face" and was a little more positive speaking when we talked about the strtucture of these paragraphs and reassured her that yes, this stinks but God is hearing our prayers and giving me the strength to fight!! And we talked about the good that is coming from all this also....which is just like God to show off that way. There is a lot of good. We are blessed....even though this does stink ; )
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
There Will Be Bumps Along The Way
I have said and felt this whole "thing" is just a bump in the road. However when there are bumps along this bump I fall apart. Not good.
Friday the nurse was not able to get blood return from port. She tried and tried. It would flush and she reminded me that was good and sometimes this happens. That's all well and fine but I don't want it to happen to ME. I was loaded up with heparin and some other med to "clean out" port and told to come today to try again.
God bless all my friends, but Debbie once again above and beyond and more than she has signed up for made today possible. Debbie took Lila to speech/OT and I ran to hospital. Well no blood return so another med to be given and it would take an hour. Text Debbie and without hesitation....she has Lila.
My Coumadin level is fine now and praise the Lord and hour and :10 later....blood return from my port. My PET scan is scheduled for 2/16....and my friend Becky will be here!! Haven't seen that face in 4 years!!!
Friday the nurse was not able to get blood return from port. She tried and tried. It would flush and she reminded me that was good and sometimes this happens. That's all well and fine but I don't want it to happen to ME. I was loaded up with heparin and some other med to "clean out" port and told to come today to try again.
God bless all my friends, but Debbie once again above and beyond and more than she has signed up for made today possible. Debbie took Lila to speech/OT and I ran to hospital. Well no blood return so another med to be given and it would take an hour. Text Debbie and without hesitation....she has Lila.
My Coumadin level is fine now and praise the Lord and hour and :10 later....blood return from my port. My PET scan is scheduled for 2/16....and my friend Becky will be here!! Haven't seen that face in 4 years!!!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Goings on
Monday was a rough day. I am still so achy and SO. VERY. TIRED. Plus my sleep was interrupted the night before by my Lydia. She and I finally fell asleep in the living room on the couch. BUT I went to sleep about 7:30 Monday night and woke up feeling better Tuesday.
BUT Monday....I needed to do a quick grocery run. Got to Publix right after dropping girls off at school. It was buzzing with employees and everything was in tip top shape. My deli ladies shared with me that Dr. Oz was on his way!!! I quickly called Marilyn because she loves that guy. Sure enough he was doing some shopping trip and lecture with some folks...and Marilyn got in on it! LOL. I stood in the back and watched him come in- I just waved. I told a friend that maybe I would "play the lymphoma card" to get a chance to meet him, but I didn't. ; ) And at that point I really wasn't feeling great. Marilyn did enjoy a trip around the store and listening to him and then had him sign her shirt. LOL. Isn't that great?? Here is the clip http://www.orlandosentinel.com/health/os-dr-oz-food-20120206,0,6173886.story Marilyn can be seen about a minute into segment over his shoulder
Tuesday is here. Feeling a little better but still not myself....or the "myself with lymphoma". I haven't felt myself in quite some time. 2 months ago today I walked myself into the ER. 2 months. Sheesh. Time is just flying by.
Getting some birthday celebrating ideas together for little Lila. Nothing big. Probably nuggets, salad, and ice cream....and some presents. The girl finally "gets" presents and it's just too fun!
BUT Monday....I needed to do a quick grocery run. Got to Publix right after dropping girls off at school. It was buzzing with employees and everything was in tip top shape. My deli ladies shared with me that Dr. Oz was on his way!!! I quickly called Marilyn because she loves that guy. Sure enough he was doing some shopping trip and lecture with some folks...and Marilyn got in on it! LOL. I stood in the back and watched him come in- I just waved. I told a friend that maybe I would "play the lymphoma card" to get a chance to meet him, but I didn't. ; ) And at that point I really wasn't feeling great. Marilyn did enjoy a trip around the store and listening to him and then had him sign her shirt. LOL. Isn't that great?? Here is the clip http://www.orlandosentinel.com/health/os-dr-oz-food-20120206,0,6173886.story Marilyn can be seen about a minute into segment over his shoulder
Tuesday is here. Feeling a little better but still not myself....or the "myself with lymphoma". I haven't felt myself in quite some time. 2 months ago today I walked myself into the ER. 2 months. Sheesh. Time is just flying by.
Getting some birthday celebrating ideas together for little Lila. Nothing big. Probably nuggets, salad, and ice cream....and some presents. The girl finally "gets" presents and it's just too fun!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Each Day A Little Bit Better
Soooo true. I wake up feeling a little bit better by Sunday. Maybe too excited to feel human again and jump out of bed ready for day....only to be asleep an hour later in couch BUT I feel a little better. Praise the Lord.
Did wake up nauseous again this am, but my magic pill takes care of that. My throat isn't as sore and my neck feels better. One day at a time...
Bob's love language is doing things- especially with technology. Now it doesn't excite me as much as it does him but it brings him joy to do something to "enhance the technology" in our home. And yesterday he (and thanks to our Christmas money) he bought a big ol tv for the living room. It's ridiculously too big BUT we will enjoy it and be able to all sit comfortably in one room to watch a movie or play Wii without rearranging the furniture. Next we need to find a console table and I need to frame and hang up some pictures. Annnnd hopefully this summer we will move out the old sofas and find a nice L shaped sectional guy!
Lydia had a little buddy, Max, from pre-k. He and his momma, Lynda, and I also hit it off. She's awesome. So fun. Loves the Lord and her family. Different schools now so we don't get to see one another anymore. But we keep in touch. Well. Lynda lives across the street from a sweet lady friend from church, Linda. Funny, right? Well the ladies and Max came to visit last night and it was fun to visit and catch up. Plus we have a great dinner for tonight!
Did wake up nauseous again this am, but my magic pill takes care of that. My throat isn't as sore and my neck feels better. One day at a time...
Bob's love language is doing things- especially with technology. Now it doesn't excite me as much as it does him but it brings him joy to do something to "enhance the technology" in our home. And yesterday he (and thanks to our Christmas money) he bought a big ol tv for the living room. It's ridiculously too big BUT we will enjoy it and be able to all sit comfortably in one room to watch a movie or play Wii without rearranging the furniture. Next we need to find a console table and I need to frame and hang up some pictures. Annnnd hopefully this summer we will move out the old sofas and find a nice L shaped sectional guy!
Lydia had a little buddy, Max, from pre-k. He and his momma, Lynda, and I also hit it off. She's awesome. So fun. Loves the Lord and her family. Different schools now so we don't get to see one another anymore. But we keep in touch. Well. Lynda lives across the street from a sweet lady friend from church, Linda. Funny, right? Well the ladies and Max came to visit last night and it was fun to visit and catch up. Plus we have a great dinner for tonight!
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Rough Weekend
I am not a fan of the first few days after chemo. I feel like....crap and worry about every ache and pain. Annoying. Oh. And I am a little irritable. : )
My port didn't behave yesterday for blood draw. Annoying. They could flush it though so I got my meds. They pumped some meds in there and I go Wednesday for them to try again. I also need to get Coumadin checked because that is out of whack after being on antibiotics for a week.
My knees and jaw really hurt after that booster shot. This round seems to be my neck in the back- white blood cells working overtime there in the spine, I suppose. My throat hurts today. Man, I am whiney today!!
Lina slept for 12 hours last night. Poor thing. Hasn't been feeling well for awhile. Lydia is fine. Lila is a joy! They just left for a fun day with Gaye and Christina....movies, chick fil a, and Hobby Lobby. They will have a great time.
My PET scan will be the week of the 13th. My friend, Becky is going to come spend two nights that week also. I am so excited. She is good for a laugh and prayer. I can't wait.
My 4th chemo round is Wednesday 2/22- Friday 2/24!
And I am ok. No worrying.
My port didn't behave yesterday for blood draw. Annoying. They could flush it though so I got my meds. They pumped some meds in there and I go Wednesday for them to try again. I also need to get Coumadin checked because that is out of whack after being on antibiotics for a week.
My knees and jaw really hurt after that booster shot. This round seems to be my neck in the back- white blood cells working overtime there in the spine, I suppose. My throat hurts today. Man, I am whiney today!!
Lina slept for 12 hours last night. Poor thing. Hasn't been feeling well for awhile. Lydia is fine. Lila is a joy! They just left for a fun day with Gaye and Christina....movies, chick fil a, and Hobby Lobby. They will have a great time.
My PET scan will be the week of the 13th. My friend, Becky is going to come spend two nights that week also. I am so excited. She is good for a laugh and prayer. I can't wait.
My 4th chemo round is Wednesday 2/22- Friday 2/24!
And I am ok. No worrying.
Friday, February 3, 2012
To Continue with Being A Mom and Chemo Week
Thursdays are the heavy duty, I shall call them what they are, poison days. Something about a bag of red medicine called "red devil" being pumped in my veins really disturbs me. I don't usually feel well after treatment and yesterday was no exception. Far less emotional than last round though. Well, except for steroid side effects. Yikes. Laugh, cry, rip your head off. You don't know which Jenn you will get in the next 7-10 days. Be warned!!
I returned home after lunch stop with Bob to a nice clean house. Debbie was busy. She is working so hard. And blesses me with her special touches....like new jammies folded on my bed waiting for me in my made bed with a bottle of water waiting for me. It lifts my spirits. She lifts my spirits.
I go at 10am this morning for fluid flush and booster shot and Mary is taking me. A good friend of Bob's dad is having a big heart procedure at the hospital next door that he would like to be in the waiting room for. That makes my heart happy and Robert would have done the same thing. This treatment is quick but makes my joints NOT happy. But there is medicine for that and I will just chill on the couch.
But the morning has started early with cries of "I don't feel well" from my Lina girl. She is now resting in my bed with a wash cloth on her forehead after a dose of Tylenol and 102 temp. I am on the couch. Bob will need to run her to pediatrician this morning. My guess is sinus infection. Maybe ear. Lina is an allergy girl and her boogies come and go but she sounds real congested real quick this time. Poor thing. AND she is going to be SOOOO mad to miss pajama day in 3rd grade AND a playdate after school. : (
I returned home after lunch stop with Bob to a nice clean house. Debbie was busy. She is working so hard. And blesses me with her special touches....like new jammies folded on my bed waiting for me in my made bed with a bottle of water waiting for me. It lifts my spirits. She lifts my spirits.
I go at 10am this morning for fluid flush and booster shot and Mary is taking me. A good friend of Bob's dad is having a big heart procedure at the hospital next door that he would like to be in the waiting room for. That makes my heart happy and Robert would have done the same thing. This treatment is quick but makes my joints NOT happy. But there is medicine for that and I will just chill on the couch.
But the morning has started early with cries of "I don't feel well" from my Lina girl. She is now resting in my bed with a wash cloth on her forehead after a dose of Tylenol and 102 temp. I am on the couch. Bob will need to run her to pediatrician this morning. My guess is sinus infection. Maybe ear. Lina is an allergy girl and her boogies come and go but she sounds real congested real quick this time. Poor thing. AND she is going to be SOOOO mad to miss pajama day in 3rd grade AND a playdate after school. : (
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Chemo and Being A Mom
My Lyddie Girl....those of you who know her know that she's my "spicey one"- a description her godmother gave her. Lyd has no filter- if it's on her mind out of her mouth it comes. She's not rude or defiant just just spicey.
She's softening though. Lyd's always been a momma's girl. Always. And this chemo thing is heavy on her mind. She woke up again early this am to find me on the couch to snuggle. Lyd wants this done and that port out of my chest. Me, too.
When chemo week comes it involves many great friends that pitch in. Seriously I have some wonderful friends near and far. Debbie arrived at 7:15 this morning and got breakfast rolling. Lila's eyes weren't even open and she started talking, "Debbie's here" and proceeded to talk and talk to Debbie. Girls get dressed and wait for a mom friend, Ann, to pick up and head to school. Once at school girls are in great loving hands of teachers and administrators. After school today another mom friend, Tara, will take girls to her house for homework and snack. It all gets worked out. It takes a week for me to plan it all out but these ladies are always right here. And Stephanie will do Thursday and Friday after school. Then there is the weekend where the girls have fun with friends waiting. It does my momma heart good to not worry about them and helps my positive attitude. I can rest and not worry one second. I love that and am so grateful.
Caught up with laundry yesterday with a friend and working on purging toys.
Life as normal in spurts. And I get by with God by my side and friends!!
She's softening though. Lyd's always been a momma's girl. Always. And this chemo thing is heavy on her mind. She woke up again early this am to find me on the couch to snuggle. Lyd wants this done and that port out of my chest. Me, too.
When chemo week comes it involves many great friends that pitch in. Seriously I have some wonderful friends near and far. Debbie arrived at 7:15 this morning and got breakfast rolling. Lila's eyes weren't even open and she started talking, "Debbie's here" and proceeded to talk and talk to Debbie. Girls get dressed and wait for a mom friend, Ann, to pick up and head to school. Once at school girls are in great loving hands of teachers and administrators. After school today another mom friend, Tara, will take girls to her house for homework and snack. It all gets worked out. It takes a week for me to plan it all out but these ladies are always right here. And Stephanie will do Thursday and Friday after school. Then there is the weekend where the girls have fun with friends waiting. It does my momma heart good to not worry about them and helps my positive attitude. I can rest and not worry one second. I love that and am so grateful.
Caught up with laundry yesterday with a friend and working on purging toys.
Life as normal in spurts. And I get by with God by my side and friends!!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Some Fun
We took our time around the house this morning and finally got to SeaWorld about 12:30 this afternoon. It was a gorgeous day. The parking lot was crowded and the shows were packed, but it didn't seem that bad. Maybe because we know what we are doing and kind of just go at our pace....but it's just so enjoyable. I LOVE our SeaWorld days and am so thankful for passes once again for Christmas!!
Before we got to parking lot we stopped for a potty break. A sweet grandma said to me "I hope you are on your way to recovery". I smiled and told her by the end of this week I will be half-way there!! She then shared about her 3 year old granddaughter that is going through chemo in Ohio, Josie. I told her that I had some amazing prayer warriors and that we would pray for Josie. Can you imagine? 3 years old. She said she will never look at someone going through chemo again the same way. That they are warriors. Kinda feeling that way today. Pray for little Josie and her family!!
Not a bad picture...love these girls. SO. MUCH.
First stop was the dolphins. Lina could stay there all day and Lila is beginning to follow that love. It's sweet. Lydia enjoys it for a bit, but is always ready to move on to the next thing...or have a snack. The dolphin show always a favorite. We met up with a friend from Trinity briefly, fed some sea lions, and then met up with friends Gaye and Christina for the Shamu show, polar bears, and leisure walk around the aquarium.
Out of several this was the best. Please children- if you would all just look at the camera, smile, and keep hands away from your mouth....it would be over. QUICKLY!! Drives me crazy. But I love them. : )
Tomorrow have some errands to run and I get to see my Kindergarten buddy, Jen and her hubby! Can't wait! Monday and Tuesday will be full of getting ready for the week. Round is on Wednesday. Once again "our village" has been called upon and girls are all taken care of. We are so blessed and because of these people it makes this so much more bearable!!
Before we got to parking lot we stopped for a potty break. A sweet grandma said to me "I hope you are on your way to recovery". I smiled and told her by the end of this week I will be half-way there!! She then shared about her 3 year old granddaughter that is going through chemo in Ohio, Josie. I told her that I had some amazing prayer warriors and that we would pray for Josie. Can you imagine? 3 years old. She said she will never look at someone going through chemo again the same way. That they are warriors. Kinda feeling that way today. Pray for little Josie and her family!!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
A Normal Beautiful Day
.....well as normal is it can be as two bald friends with ports in their chest and beating up cancer can be taking a walk around Lake Eola and feeding ducks. LOL. Oh seriously, what are the chances? And my mom beating up breast cancer and the said bald friend's dad beginning to beat up prostate cancer. TOOOO much. Needless to say our conversations went back and forth from the upcoming nuptials to our treatment and experiences/emotions......the whole time. Kinda can't help it.
BUT it was a normal beautiful day. And seriously you should walk around with the two of us. People looked, opened doors, smiled....you know they think we met at treatment or something. Nope. Friends for 15 years.
Lila started back at speech and OT 2x a week. We will do 2 weeks on and take chemo week off. Therapists were so sweet just waiting for Lila....and me. Love those ladies. We haven't been there since the week before Thanksgiving!! This week was more of eval and see where my little bit is. There is a b-day around the corner here. Can't believe that lil peanut will be 4.
After ST/OT we met up with Carmen to walk around (well not all the way) Lake Eola and feed ducks. It was such a beautiful day. In fact this beautiful weather.....I LOVE walking girls to school in the morning and picking up in the afternoon. Lina has been riding her bike. Trying to give some "big girl" responsibility and so far we had miscommunicationon Monday, but the rest of the week has been smooth. Atta Girl, Lin!
I continue to receive hats, beautiful notes, funny notes, music, candy........YOU people are the amazing ones. Seriously. I feel very uncomfortable reading or hearing "you are amazing" or "an inspiration". I guess. I kinda look at this though and my first thought is, well- I really don't have a choice. Crawling up in a ball and feeling sorry for myself is NOT an option. And you know what....other than those first few days of my world being rocked- I have NOT wanted to crawl up in a ball. It's HIS peace I tell you. Passes all understanding....I get that now. Don't get me wrong- this sucks. It has interrupted my life and I don't feel like ME at the moment, but I AM SO VERY MUCH NOT ALONE in this. Great family, great friends....and a Father that loves me so stinking much with His healing hand ALLLL over this.
Ready for Friday and the weekend. Hoping to get to SeaWorld on Saturday. Planning ahead for next week. Cannot believe it will be February!
BUT it was a normal beautiful day. And seriously you should walk around with the two of us. People looked, opened doors, smiled....you know they think we met at treatment or something. Nope. Friends for 15 years.
Lila started back at speech and OT 2x a week. We will do 2 weeks on and take chemo week off. Therapists were so sweet just waiting for Lila....and me. Love those ladies. We haven't been there since the week before Thanksgiving!! This week was more of eval and see where my little bit is. There is a b-day around the corner here. Can't believe that lil peanut will be 4.
After ST/OT we met up with Carmen to walk around (well not all the way) Lake Eola and feed ducks. It was such a beautiful day. In fact this beautiful weather.....I LOVE walking girls to school in the morning and picking up in the afternoon. Lina has been riding her bike. Trying to give some "big girl" responsibility and so far we had miscommunicationon Monday, but the rest of the week has been smooth. Atta Girl, Lin!
I continue to receive hats, beautiful notes, funny notes, music, candy........YOU people are the amazing ones. Seriously. I feel very uncomfortable reading or hearing "you are amazing" or "an inspiration". I guess. I kinda look at this though and my first thought is, well- I really don't have a choice. Crawling up in a ball and feeling sorry for myself is NOT an option. And you know what....other than those first few days of my world being rocked- I have NOT wanted to crawl up in a ball. It's HIS peace I tell you. Passes all understanding....I get that now. Don't get me wrong- this sucks. It has interrupted my life and I don't feel like ME at the moment, but I AM SO VERY MUCH NOT ALONE in this. Great family, great friends....and a Father that loves me so stinking much with His healing hand ALLLL over this.
Ready for Friday and the weekend. Hoping to get to SeaWorld on Saturday. Planning ahead for next week. Cannot believe it will be February!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Paying Forward
Speechless.
Every day...every single day....I am at a loss for words and overwhelmed at the good people in my life. Friends I have known since I was 5, friends from HS, friends from college, friends from neighborhood, friends from church, friends I met online.....and then there are those "random people" - GOOD people- in this world...that bless my life. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
From hats, notes, prayers, texts, meals 4x a week brought to our house, books, make up, stuff for girls, frozen custard from WI, bagels from NY, jammies to be comfy, to a comment in the bread aisle....and for our meal at Outback being paid for- it all makes me want to be a better person.
And I will pay this forward. Refinement at its finest.
Yes, we went to dinner at Outback tonight. I "look like I am fighting cancer"- I wore a scarf on my head for the first time tonight. I took the girls outside and Bob went to take care of the bill. The bill which was taken care of by two random strangers in the restaurant. Right? Isn't that absolutely amazing? Beautiful? Makes me cry.
Pay it forward. I have a lot of paying forward to do. A. LOT. I want to. It just blesses people- and I don't mean stuff or meals- just generally paying it all forward.
Every day...every single day....I am at a loss for words and overwhelmed at the good people in my life. Friends I have known since I was 5, friends from HS, friends from college, friends from neighborhood, friends from church, friends I met online.....and then there are those "random people" - GOOD people- in this world...that bless my life. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
From hats, notes, prayers, texts, meals 4x a week brought to our house, books, make up, stuff for girls, frozen custard from WI, bagels from NY, jammies to be comfy, to a comment in the bread aisle....and for our meal at Outback being paid for- it all makes me want to be a better person.
And I will pay this forward. Refinement at its finest.
Yes, we went to dinner at Outback tonight. I "look like I am fighting cancer"- I wore a scarf on my head for the first time tonight. I took the girls outside and Bob went to take care of the bill. The bill which was taken care of by two random strangers in the restaurant. Right? Isn't that absolutely amazing? Beautiful? Makes me cry.
Pay it forward. I have a lot of paying forward to do. A. LOT. I want to. It just blesses people- and I don't mean stuff or meals- just generally paying it all forward.
Overwhelming Joy!
We had a great weather weekend. OH. MY. WORD. It was per-fect. Girls played outside all day and we took a quick trip to the beach on Sunday after church. It was wonderful. Lydia HAAATES the beach SO that part of it was a pain, but as a friend reminded me...."it's just a bit of normalcy" and I am trying to embrace normalcy. At any cost I suppose : )
I wasn't feeling great. I have sinus crud and generally feeling punky. SO I basically just rested and drank drank drank water- and not gonna lie I can't wait to drink a frosty mug of beer or a bottle or two of wine when this ALLLL over!! But for now H2O works. I felt a little better each day.
Monday I went to a "Look Good Feel Better" class put on by the American Cancer Society . It was really, well, sweet and lovely....but the crowd was interesting. A much older crowd and the gal next to me wouldn't SHUUUUT UP. It was really annoying and both gals leading tried their best to "rein her in" but this ol' Southern Belle.....had an audience and she loved it. There was a gal my age who just had her first round sitting across from table and we were trying to chat, but this lady was so awful interrupting and then I had to leave early. Too bad. The class gave some make up samples and some tips. I left with too much make up on. BUT it was nice. I did cry my eyes out during the into video. This whole journey....it's so much. It's so emotional. I didn't WANT to HAVE to be there.
Today I had two appointments. First was with radiation oncologist. I just really hate this whole "cancer thing" and the whole medical world involved in it. BUT just like God, HE gives great people that make this "do-able". Dr. Diamond. I am all about a doc that "owns" a room when he/she walks in it? Know what I mean? Not arrogant just confident and real. This guy was it. Some get to know you chit chat...he has girls and then he and Bob are showing pictures on their phones. Hillarious. More talk about ME- it IS about ME...and he shows me statistic nonsense and says that he does not recommend radiation. Right now. My lymphoma is atypical- it's location, size, and that it is NO WHERE else- leads to that recommendation. Chemo should melt this crud away. He will know more after that repeat PET scan some time in February. And if any it would be a "ball field area"- I thought the doc had used some big medical word so I repeated it and when I repeated it- clicked- just the area of my chest where this stuff lies. SO. HUUUUUGE PRAISE on that! HUGE! And now praying about that PET!!
Second apt was with a PA at oncologist office to check on port, how are you doing, and blood work. In walks Dr. Z- my oncologist. He said his schedule was light today and he wanted to see me. LOVE that guy. LOVE LOVE LOVE him!! He wasn't quite on board with the no radiation, but I told him today I am celebrating that and if the PET scan shows differently than we will re-group. And he agreed with me. For today. I can tell he is more on the aggressive side.
My blood work came back all glowing.
My bone marrow biopsy came back ALLLLL clear!!!
I am high as a kite right now. We are heading out to Outback for dinner. I feel like celebrating.
It's so overwhelming. ALLL of this. My mom. My Carmen. ME. Are you kidding me??? My mom is rocking along...4 more treatments and then radiation. Carmen has last round next week and then radiation. We are getting close to this all being behind us.
Join me in thankfulness of answered prayers....and continued prayers! HE hears and answers them all and I am convinved that "through His stripes, I am healed"!!
I wasn't feeling great. I have sinus crud and generally feeling punky. SO I basically just rested and drank drank drank water- and not gonna lie I can't wait to drink a frosty mug of beer or a bottle or two of wine when this ALLLL over!! But for now H2O works. I felt a little better each day.
Monday I went to a "Look Good Feel Better" class put on by the American Cancer Society . It was really, well, sweet and lovely....but the crowd was interesting. A much older crowd and the gal next to me wouldn't SHUUUUT UP. It was really annoying and both gals leading tried their best to "rein her in" but this ol' Southern Belle.....had an audience and she loved it. There was a gal my age who just had her first round sitting across from table and we were trying to chat, but this lady was so awful interrupting and then I had to leave early. Too bad. The class gave some make up samples and some tips. I left with too much make up on. BUT it was nice. I did cry my eyes out during the into video. This whole journey....it's so much. It's so emotional. I didn't WANT to HAVE to be there.
Today I had two appointments. First was with radiation oncologist. I just really hate this whole "cancer thing" and the whole medical world involved in it. BUT just like God, HE gives great people that make this "do-able". Dr. Diamond. I am all about a doc that "owns" a room when he/she walks in it? Know what I mean? Not arrogant just confident and real. This guy was it. Some get to know you chit chat...he has girls and then he and Bob are showing pictures on their phones. Hillarious. More talk about ME- it IS about ME...and he shows me statistic nonsense and says that he does not recommend radiation. Right now. My lymphoma is atypical- it's location, size, and that it is NO WHERE else- leads to that recommendation. Chemo should melt this crud away. He will know more after that repeat PET scan some time in February. And if any it would be a "ball field area"- I thought the doc had used some big medical word so I repeated it and when I repeated it- clicked- just the area of my chest where this stuff lies. SO. HUUUUUGE PRAISE on that! HUGE! And now praying about that PET!!
Second apt was with a PA at oncologist office to check on port, how are you doing, and blood work. In walks Dr. Z- my oncologist. He said his schedule was light today and he wanted to see me. LOVE that guy. LOVE LOVE LOVE him!! He wasn't quite on board with the no radiation, but I told him today I am celebrating that and if the PET scan shows differently than we will re-group. And he agreed with me. For today. I can tell he is more on the aggressive side.
My blood work came back all glowing.
My bone marrow biopsy came back ALLLLL clear!!!
I am high as a kite right now. We are heading out to Outback for dinner. I feel like celebrating.
It's so overwhelming. ALLL of this. My mom. My Carmen. ME. Are you kidding me??? My mom is rocking along...4 more treatments and then radiation. Carmen has last round next week and then radiation. We are getting close to this all being behind us.
Join me in thankfulness of answered prayers....and continued prayers! HE hears and answers them all and I am convinved that "through His stripes, I am healed"!!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Ahhh! The Weekend Is Here
A little hiccup....my port incision has an infection. There was a lingering stitch....and it was becoming infected. Saw surgeon this am and had stitch snipped and now I am on antibiotics. My blood counts were all good so prayerfully this will just be nothing.
Big girls have no school tomorrow. I am looking forward to sleeping in a little and maybe something fun. It's been absolutely gorgeous these days.
I am feeling good and am so thankful for that!!
Big girls have no school tomorrow. I am looking forward to sleeping in a little and maybe something fun. It's been absolutely gorgeous these days.
I am feeling good and am so thankful for that!!
Friday, January 13, 2012
DING DING DING! Round 2 Goes to the Balding Blonde!
....not without tears and some swearing! THIS was not easy.
All is fine. I was just really emotional this go. There are many reasons to add to the emotions. #1 is the overwhelming support I/we have. It truly is SUCH a BLESSING and my dear friends and family are carrying me through this more than they will ever know. #2 my second day was a very busy day in the treatment room. I had too many different nurses and there were just grumpy people in there. I NEED positive. #3 I was anticipating this bone marrow biopsy with a tad bit of fear.
Gretchen Kuck came with me on day 2. It was so nice to catch up with her the Kuck family doings. They are anticipating the arrival of grandson #3 in April. So fun! I have known Gretchen for about 25 years. : )
Bob came today. After Thursday's hectic-ness and nurse sticking herself with my needle AFTER she removed it from my port and anticipating the biopsy I was a bundle of tears. I woke up looking awful. My eyes were slits from crying and my cheeks puffy from steroids. OY! I and my faithful prayer warriors prayed for peace and a good nurse. LOUD AND CLEAR I had a very dear nurse who read my anxious heart immediately. She snagged my doctor and he read my mind also....and ordered extra ativan. I love ativan.
Biopsy. One thing with ativan....my mouth runs. Sometimes I am funny. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am bossy. I was all of the above. Dr. Zakari and I are getting to know one another. I told him what I expected him to do....and he told me what he was going to do....and we found a happy medium. I mean, he does have the medical degree and was about to stick a needle in my HIP and do some work. He numbed me up and asked for more. We talked about Brooklyn- he interned there. We talked about music- 80's. Then I told him to bring it back to me. : ) IT's all about me right now. He agreed. Not gonna lie- not super comfortable, but it didn't hurt. I may hurt here shortly. It was down right GROSS what he was doing- in fact one med student had to step out- SKIRT! : ) And after I was patched up....I got to see the piece of my bone and marrow slides. Interesting- if you are into that kind of stuff. EEEEWWW.
I came home to a yummy chocolate cake waiting....delievered from Jen and Brendan and I am about to enjoy that. I came home to yellow hair taped to my mirror....so I have golden locks when I first wake up. Texts, cards, gifts....hats- I have hats galore coming my way. I am so overwhelming blessed with friends and family and their support. I am still more emotional today than I have been, but as a friend said...this is a battle. Battles are not EASY. There is blood, sweat, and tears.
I will need to do a PET scan after round 3, but doc pretty much said we are looking at 6 rounds of chemo. So I am 1/3 done with this! Next round is 2/1, 2/2/ and 2/3.
But this round...DONE. And with HIS GRACE AND MERCY....I won!!
All is fine. I was just really emotional this go. There are many reasons to add to the emotions. #1 is the overwhelming support I/we have. It truly is SUCH a BLESSING and my dear friends and family are carrying me through this more than they will ever know. #2 my second day was a very busy day in the treatment room. I had too many different nurses and there were just grumpy people in there. I NEED positive. #3 I was anticipating this bone marrow biopsy with a tad bit of fear.
Gretchen Kuck came with me on day 2. It was so nice to catch up with her the Kuck family doings. They are anticipating the arrival of grandson #3 in April. So fun! I have known Gretchen for about 25 years. : )
Bob came today. After Thursday's hectic-ness and nurse sticking herself with my needle AFTER she removed it from my port and anticipating the biopsy I was a bundle of tears. I woke up looking awful. My eyes were slits from crying and my cheeks puffy from steroids. OY! I and my faithful prayer warriors prayed for peace and a good nurse. LOUD AND CLEAR I had a very dear nurse who read my anxious heart immediately. She snagged my doctor and he read my mind also....and ordered extra ativan. I love ativan.
Biopsy. One thing with ativan....my mouth runs. Sometimes I am funny. Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am bossy. I was all of the above. Dr. Zakari and I are getting to know one another. I told him what I expected him to do....and he told me what he was going to do....and we found a happy medium. I mean, he does have the medical degree and was about to stick a needle in my HIP and do some work. He numbed me up and asked for more. We talked about Brooklyn- he interned there. We talked about music- 80's. Then I told him to bring it back to me. : ) IT's all about me right now. He agreed. Not gonna lie- not super comfortable, but it didn't hurt. I may hurt here shortly. It was down right GROSS what he was doing- in fact one med student had to step out- SKIRT! : ) And after I was patched up....I got to see the piece of my bone and marrow slides. Interesting- if you are into that kind of stuff. EEEEWWW.
I came home to a yummy chocolate cake waiting....delievered from Jen and Brendan and I am about to enjoy that. I came home to yellow hair taped to my mirror....so I have golden locks when I first wake up. Texts, cards, gifts....hats- I have hats galore coming my way. I am so overwhelming blessed with friends and family and their support. I am still more emotional today than I have been, but as a friend said...this is a battle. Battles are not EASY. There is blood, sweat, and tears.
I will need to do a PET scan after round 3, but doc pretty much said we are looking at 6 rounds of chemo. So I am 1/3 done with this! Next round is 2/1, 2/2/ and 2/3.
But this round...DONE. And with HIS GRACE AND MERCY....I won!!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
It's Just Hair and Round Two Ahead!
Well. My hair is falling out. I am almost afraid to go out in the wind. So weird. My scalp actually kinda "hurts", but if I run my fingers through my hair and get a handfull....that doesn't hurt. So weird. I guess I will go check out wigs next week. Although I don't think I will be a wig wearer. I have some super cute hats.
I have been talking about this with the girls for about 2 weeks. Lina wishes that I didn't have to. Lydia says basically that's too bad. LOL. Oh Lyd. We shall see how my Lila reacts.
Lydia had her dance recital today. It was so wonderful. The theme was LIFE: It Happens. Jeremiah 29:11.
Ironic, no? Yup. Life. It happens. The good, the bad...it happens and God loves us through it all. AND is right there beside us. Lydia did some ballet to "By Your Side" by Tenth Ave North. OH. MY. WORD. Bawled my eyes out and in between each song was scripture and devotion. OH. MY. It was just so good. We were going to take a break from dance.....but I just re-registered for Spring. My girl needs this! I NEED this!!
This week brings chemo on Wed, Thurs, and Fri....along with a bone marrow biopsy. Yeah! NOT.
I have been talking about this with the girls for about 2 weeks. Lina wishes that I didn't have to. Lydia says basically that's too bad. LOL. Oh Lyd. We shall see how my Lila reacts.
Lydia had her dance recital today. It was so wonderful. The theme was LIFE: It Happens. Jeremiah 29:11.
Ironic, no? Yup. Life. It happens. The good, the bad...it happens and God loves us through it all. AND is right there beside us. Lydia did some ballet to "By Your Side" by Tenth Ave North. OH. MY. WORD. Bawled my eyes out and in between each song was scripture and devotion. OH. MY. It was just so good. We were going to take a break from dance.....but I just re-registered for Spring. My girl needs this! I NEED this!!
This week brings chemo on Wed, Thurs, and Fri....along with a bone marrow biopsy. Yeah! NOT.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Blood Behaving and PET Scan Report
So. Those of you who know me well know my love of the dentist. Wouldn't you know, I cracked a dang molar over the weekend. Timing. My dentist and the office are FABULOUS. I really don't know why I am such a lunatic. But, alas, I am. I needed to get a blood check and such before DDS can go poking around. Now I cannot get any work done because of the blood thinners I am on (and I need to be on them because of this crud in my chest that causes pressure....and blood clots- we are NOT going that route again!).
My blood report came back with all stars. Feel like a 3rd grader getting a test back.
Then I asked to talk to nurse. I have an appointment on Friday, but I needed to ask if my PET came back yet. My oncologist happen to walk by in the hallway. He passed the door, but we made eye contact. Not 5 seconds later he came back (still talks waaaay too fast for me) and said, "Jennifer.. How are you? How are you doing" Call me impressed. We talked ever briefly and told him I would see him Friday.
Nurse came back with my report with a smile. Ahhh, yes. And then I just cried.
This junk is in no other places- "no activity" other than......the big ol thing in my chest and 2 lymph nodes in my neck- they are tiny and that is what really presented itself a month ago as an enlarged thyroid. Interesting.
Today I am happy. I feel good. I am thankful for caring doc and nurses. I am SO thankful for good reports today.
My blood report came back with all stars. Feel like a 3rd grader getting a test back.
Then I asked to talk to nurse. I have an appointment on Friday, but I needed to ask if my PET came back yet. My oncologist happen to walk by in the hallway. He passed the door, but we made eye contact. Not 5 seconds later he came back (still talks waaaay too fast for me) and said, "Jennifer.. How are you? How are you doing" Call me impressed. We talked ever briefly and told him I would see him Friday.
Nurse came back with my report with a smile. Ahhh, yes. And then I just cried.
This junk is in no other places- "no activity" other than......the big ol thing in my chest and 2 lymph nodes in my neck- they are tiny and that is what really presented itself a month ago as an enlarged thyroid. Interesting.
Today I am happy. I feel good. I am thankful for caring doc and nurses. I am SO thankful for good reports today.
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