School Bells and Miles

Well, we are mid way through first quarter already.  WHAAAA???  Crazy.  Mid quarter reports come home this week.  It's nice to be back in a school routine and structured activities.  Although I sooo very much miss walking down the block to school.  Ackkkk!  My most favorite thing about our school and now it's gone.  Just for a year though!

Brookshire is gone.  Well, except for the "new roof" cafeteria.  Remember those  hurricanes in 2004??  Well, the cafeteria had to get a new roof.  So while they are building a brand spanking new facility (that was way overdue)....the cafeteria will just be renovated.  So dumb.  The girls had a fun day with classmates on the last days of school "saying good-bye" to the building...

We are "off campus" this year.  It's not any worse than our old campus.  The girls could take a bus so we gave that a try.  We tried for a week.  Too many things I didn't love it about and too many things Lydia : )  didn't love about it....and for just a year....it wasn't worth it to me to "force" the issue.  So I drive them in and actually our little :10 ride is LOVELY.  We chit chat and I listen.

Lina is in 4th grade.  Which just blows my mind.  It's a big year for her.  She has two teachers for homeroom (they job share....kind of crazy, but it works).  One of her teachers is a good friend's mom and a good friend of mine.  Both teachers are sweet.  Lina is in the school chorus and giving the violin a try in the school orchestra.  Music is her thing.  She loves music.  I think it's time to stop dipping toes in this and that and focus on her love of music.  We are looking for violin lessons.  HOWEVER, she is playing volleyball at the Y.....and I am coaching the team.  So cute.  Great girls.  It's really a lot of fun and Lina is enjoying that as well.

Lydia is in 1st grade.  My little Lyddie bug.  School is not Lyd's most favorite.  Her teacher is the same teacher Lina had in 1st grade and we just love the now, Mrs. Lewis.  She is so dear to us all.  Lydia struggles with reading and reallllllly isn't terribly motivated by ANYthing to read.  Lyd's personality and her "if it's on her mind out of her mouth it comes" makes me laugh (most days) and her snuggles wake me up EVERY single night.  : )  Lydia is giving gymnastics a try this year- after enjoying the Olympics- and "she already knows how to dance" : )

Lila is in PreK (or VPK here in FL) at Trinity.  Still a little bit. Lila goes to school M-F 9-12...although we will be taking 1 or 2 Fridays a month off from school.  We just started back to speech and OT this week also after a 6 month hiatus.  Lila still has her little hand flapping tic going on and some other little behaviors that I hope being back in therapy will help us.  While she is "so cute"....eventually all that will get her made fun of and really I just want to be able to help her.

Me?  Ohh, I am just fine.  : )  Still training faithfully for this half marathon in November.  Today I went 7 miles.  It took me an hour and :45.  So that's half my race distance.  YIKES!  My hips are killing me, but I am faithfully out there waking at 5:45 every morning or at the Y for treadmill and Zumba!  : )  Feeling pretty good though.  I have been having a little anxiety and weepiness lately....about "looking back this time last year"....it's been a year since my mom said those words, and it's coming up soon when Carmen shared her words, and before I know it- it will be December and a year since I HEARD those words.  But a friend said to look back at how a year ago all that was going on, but look how God heard, answered, and has taken care of those prayers.  And she is right.  I praise God for His healing hand.

All Clear!

I have had 4 PET scans since December.  I know the routine and really they aren't terrible.  The worst part is getting a blood draw and IV started for the dye.  Being in "the tube" for :20 isn't a big deal.  It's all the thinking of "what ifs" and the dreaded waiting 24-48 hours to have that appointment with my oncologist that I can't bear.  I thought I was going to throw up all day today.

Today I met with my oncologist to discuss my PET from 2 days ago.  I go in spurts- confident in HIS HEALING HAND or completely can't get a grip on my emotions or FEAR of what if.  This week was fear.    Dr. Z walked in the room and I thought I would throw up.  My heart rate was 110 and he knew I was a wreck.  "Your PET scan is clear as usual" and I lost it.  Great conversation followed though- I HATE being at that clinic.  I hate being in that office.  Seeing this very kind and good dr makes me ILL.  I told him that it was 8 months ago today that we met.  He then said, "it's going to be 4 years and 4 months till this relationship is over"....till the word "CURED" is said.  He was very encouraging saying that I have been in remission for 7 months and he doesn't expect anything different, but none of this is 100%.  And the reasonable side of me KNOWS that and BELIEVES that, but the mommy who doesn't want her girls to go through this crap again EVER......  Dr.  Z also told me to get the first PET scan of the day and email him the day I get it....he will then email me THAT DAY with the results.  And make appointments on Fridays- there was hardly anyone in the clinic.

I have an appointment in November and will do another PET scan.  Sigh.  Then it will be one in 6 months. And from there I didn't want to know anymore.  I hate cancer.  And really.  I KNOW that I had a "pretty easy" course of action and for that I AM SO THANKFUL FOR!!

I have been feeling so great these days.  AdvoCare. Ever hear of it??  CHECK IT OUT.  I was introduced a year ago and started using a few products.  Then a "curveball" came my way and I didn't continue what I was using other than 1 product all through chemo.  Well, I have been eating so much better, exercising faithfully, and adding these supplements to my day.  If you are looking for something to help strengthen yourself- ask me about this My AdvoCare page   And a plug for the "My Fitness Pal" app for iphone.  CHECK THAT OUT!  Keeps me so accountable and I have some cheerleaders and support there.  I am confident that the 12 lbs that I have lost in July will only continue to melt away.

Being able to "run" 5 miles 3x a week has been HUGE.  Next week I will start my training with LLS Team in Training.  There is a dinner on Wednesday where I have the honor of being an "Honored Hero" for the season.  My friend Debbie has been walking with me at dark o'clock in the morning 3 x a week.  If you don't have an organization that you support, may I recommend LLS through my Team in Training page???  I will participate in the Disney Wine and Dine Half Marathon November 10.

Next step?  My useless port comes out on Monday morning.  I have to be at FL Hospital at 5:30 in the AM.  My procedure is at 7:30.  That's it.  Last bit of "this".



 

Life Renewed

We are slowly getting back to "normal" around here and really enjoying a summer break. 

Summer started off with a visit with my good friend, Denise and her family, the day school let out.  We enjoyed a pizza night and kids playing.  Denise's babies (ha) were born in Russia and she traveled just a few months before we did.  It was neat to see our "Russia girls" playing and being friends.

The following week my mom and dad came to their time share for 5 days.  Ahhh.  It was so nice to be together.  We were quite the group though.  My mom has a funky skin rash that doctors aren't quite sure what's going on- so she kinda stayed out of the sun.  My dad scraped his shins pretty badly the week before so he was avoiding the water.  Me.  Not at the pool :15 I decide to be "fun mom" and go down the water slide with Lila.  I landed and saw stars.  Something pulled, zig zagged, SOMEthing not right in my knee.  Ugggghhh.  I sucked it up for two days and finally went and got an x ray.  Nothing torn, but I sprained it.  That is slowly on the mend.  Annoying.  But we managed to have a good week.  The girls LOVE being out at Orange Lake.  And they did a sleep over- as I had an early doctor appointment one morning so I went home.  Always fun to be with Grammy and Papa....and it's been a long time.

This past week we took a trip to Blowing Rock, NC.  Ahhhh.  It was PER-fect.  Just perfect.  We left at o'dark thirty in the am and pulled into the driveway of our mountain get away about 4PM.  Rich, Mary, and kiddos (and two dogs) were there also.  We enjoyed meals, sights, and s'more making with them.  For Lina's b-day (my baby big girl turned 9!!) we spent the day at the creek playing- making dams and chutes to tube through.  The kids had a blast.  Lydia surprised me the most.  Lina I expect to enjoy it, get dirty, climb, swim, repeat.  Lydia not so much.  BUT she LOVED the creek.  She got dirty, picked up rocks, played in tube, EVERYthing.  It was so fun to see her enjoy the outdoors.  Lila enjoys anything she does.  She loved throwing rocks in the water...and sometimes hitting a sister or friend.  YIKES.  Still some learning to do.  We went gem mining, blueberry picking, went on two 2  mile hikes, Linville Caverns, ate too much, enjoyed a happy hour or two, and just enjoyed a fire at night, some fireworks, and being together. 

I loved escaping from the thoughts of lymphoma.  Ugh.  I didn't think one minute about dr appointments, medicine, port, PET scans, NOTHING.  It was refreshing.  Then Thursday rolled around and I started thinking about our trip home and what the week ahead held.  I have a port flush this week and an appointment with my new primary doc- whom I just love.  My PET is scheduled for August 8.  Once I hear that is "all clear" I think, (oh I hope) I will take a deep breath and trust that this is GONE and not coming back.

I joined Team in Training with Leukemia Lymphoma Society and will "run" a half marathon in November.  I get to be an "Honored Hero".  So funny because the first thing I said when all "this" went down in December....is that I wasn't doing races or any of that....and here I am with a goal of raising $1, 500 to rid the world of this crap.  I am hoping to get out to the training sessions this week and some on my own.  My goal is to lose 30 lbs and finish that blooming race.  Let's Do it!  GO TEAM!

This is my fundraising page http://pages.teamintraining.org/ncfl/diswine12/jblackwzfx

Summer is flying by.  I hate that.  I had such goals/plans for the summer and it's going so fast.  What I want to do:

• play with girls
• memory verses each week
• deliberate devotion time
• cursive writing with Lina
• help Lydia with reading
• therapies with Lila
• clean and organize the house
• purge
• embrace cooking healthy meals
• exercise- and get into a routine with going to the Y
• stay healthy

We have touched upon everything, but hoping this week we can make more happen.

Thankful for each day though- that 's for sure.  My friend, Kendra, is still making great progress in Seatle following her stroke.  I remember the fight she has and my troubles....don't seem so big.

Here are some pictures of NC!

Done. Now Beginning.

What a week! What. A. Week. Last Monday I had a port study done. Dumb thing hasn't cooperated at all. So I do this study. Radiologist tells me that it shouldn't be used. Oh. Great. I was to have chemo #7 on Wednesday. Wednesday came. I showed up for Rituxin meds. I was able to get that med because it's not a chemo med. Had a consult with Dr. Z and he agreed not good to use port- there is a clot at tip which acts like a dam when nurse tried to draw blood and my obnoxious veins. He also told me I would get a PICC line done on Thursday. Again. Oh. Good. Thursday. We went to FL Hospital and met two ladies who do nothing but PICC lines all day. Weird. I didn't care for the procedure. At all. It didn't hurt but I was fully aware and didn't love the pressure on my arm or the trouble the tech was having getting this thing in. After about :30 it was decided again that my veins are uncooperative all over my body. I had the best cry in the hallway. Full blown sob. While walking over to clinic I just kept talking...praying. Then I was told no chemo for today. Thursday night was awful. I was scared. I was confused. I was completely unsettled. Friday. I had a consult with oncologist to figure out what in the world we do now. Dr Z came in and told me my PET scan was clear again. That was great news. Dr Z then said "that's it- you're done with treatment". What? That was not the conversation I had played out in my mind. Dr went on to talk statistics with me. I have the best lymphoma to have. What. Ever. I responded textbook like and this crud is gone. Praise God. I can't "go there" emotionally yet. I will. One day at a time....

Not So Much DONE

I am having blogger issues.  Hopefully this posts though.

It's April.  Just finished round 6- which I really was hoping would be the end of treatment for now.  BUT it's not.

My very dear Cristy Jean arrived a week ago to take on round 6 with me.  So blessed!  Her big kids (Z is 16 now!! and G 14) gave their blessing for their momma to head to FL during Holy Week.  And I was so blessed by this act of love!!  Cristy was my college roommate for 2 years in IL and then we both transferred schools- she to WI and I in NY.  So really the 22 years that we have been best frieds has been long distance.  I love my time with Cristy.  She makes me want to be a better person.  She makes me think.  She makes me LAUGH!!

So Cristy and I headed to chemo.  It's overwhelming for a friend to walk into "this" live and in person.  She was great though.  I was getting upset- she held my hand...pulled out Mad Libs....or just made me laugh.  I had port troubles and Cristy was very defensive for me....my mother cub.  Friday was disturbing though- with all the flushing and trying to get a blood return from port when the nurse took needle out...the blood came.  All over my shirt.  So gross.  So disturbing.  But we high tailed it out of there, flew home so I could change, C grabbed Panera lunch, picked me back up, and we headed to see "Mirror Mirror" so we could enjoy some Julia (we would watch Pretty Woman over and over....and our phrase is "take care of you").

It was a different Good Friday and Easter weekend this year.  I had a beautiful 5 days with my friend though.  Cristy was great- dyed eggs with the girls, took them outside alllll day so I could snooze a bit, made sure we all ate and drank, and generally just helped with the every day things that I don't have the energy for right now.  It was a blessing and a treat to have her here.  Lina had to sing at the sunrise service so having Cristy here that morning was so helpful getting everyone up, dressed, and out the door before 6AM was so nice.  (and my Lina had a beautiful little solo that made me tear up)

I hated saying good bye.  We talked about our next get together- and hopefully this summer Lydia and I will get to WI for a long weekend.  Then again Lina will want to go also.....and really we should all vacation together : )

After a tearful good bye at the airport we headed over to Casa de Ramiz.  We usually go for an afternoon swim on Easter but this year nothing is like we used to do so I didn't even think about it.  We didn't pack suits or anything because we were just going to stop by quickly.  Welllllll, it was like normal times and we chatted and laughed and didn't just talk about cancer or chemo...it was soooo nice.  I finally caved and just let the girls swim in their clothes.  They had a great time with that and Laura and her sweetie Bryan were good sports swimming with the girls.

Girls were sound asleep before 7PM and that was my goal : )

Then Monday rolled around.  Bigs had school and Lila was home with me.  I was doing some picking up and we had just started lunch when the doorbell rang.  And when I went to the door.....there was little Abigail and William Lunden like they lived down the street. Allll the way from NY.  And there was my Dianne and her hubby Scott hiding.  Crazy.  They took the auto train from NY and surprised me.  Yes, they did.  They are here all week.  Dianne.  My Dianne.  I have known Dianne forever.  Her aunt lived across the street from me and we always played together as kids.  We are 2 years apart in age.  HS we may have drifted a little, but since I was probably 11 years old she has been my bff.  They are staying at a hotel nearby.  The kids played so nicely after school yesterday.  Going to lay low today- maybe swim after school.  And I think we may play hookie on Thursday.  ; )

Or How About.....

I had today allll planned out in my mind.  I had the converstaions played out and everything......

OR how about this-

PA walks in to talk to me, "The home stretch, you are in the home stretch now".
"Yes, I am.  Last cycle April 4, 5, and 6" and I jokingly said something about having port removed the week after.  (I KNOW that isn't happening)

"Dr. Z hasn't talked about possibly cycle 7 & 8"??? says the PA.
"No.  No he hasn't.  It started at 4 and went to 6.  But no mention of 7&8".

And the converstation continued like that.  I didn't cry or become upset.  There is also talk of "maintenence therapy for a YEAR" (which could be 1 med 1 day every 4 weeks)

Dr. Z came in and I began questioning him.  He then said we will wait and see what repeat PET scan looks like next month.  Fine.  I asked him about if this is a possibility with "no activity"....a clean PET in February?  He rattled off some statistics and research and mentioned how not having radiation....and blah blah blah blah.  And finally, that nothing would be decided today.  Then he mentioned how healthy I look, what a great color I had on, and I am doing great.  So.  I am taking that last sentence with me for a week of spring break playing.....and then doing some research and what not for myself.

Don't get me wrong- if 8 is what keeps me, oh alive, and not dealing with this crap ever again- I'll do it all tomorrow.  Just was not expecting that today.  At all.

A Week

I am here.  Just haven't had the words to write.

BUT it's been a week since treatment and I feel SO much better than I did up until yesterday.

I was sharing with a mom friend at school today- I know that the shot I get messes with my joints and for some reason for me, I feel it in my skin and my neck also.  Well.  It really freaks me out.  I yawned the other night and my neck felt like it did in November and it scares me.  Then I start poking around at my body and looking in mirror and convince myself that chemo didn't work and "it's back".  Granted, I will live like that for the rest of my life now.....but I haaaaate living like that.  That's not faith.  That's not trust.  It is fear.  And well, fear sucks.

Trying to keep life as normal as possible and have been avoiding potty training Lila because she just doesn't "get it"  Well, I go to the extreme and have a behavioral therapist come to the house and we discuss my plan for the day.  She tells me she wouldn't do anything different- offers a few different ideas and was on her way.  Monday was a disaster.  I kept a pull up on over panties (which are just sooooooooo tiny, precious, and adorable) because she just kept peeing.  Tuesday.  I flooded her with juice and sweet tea and every :30-:45 we were in the bathroom.  She would go just a little each time.  But she was dry all day.  Finally she realllly went.  Woke up dry Wednesday and we had a very productive day....without a pull up.  So proud of her.  She is still such a peanut, but is really working hard at this.  And funny thing- we haven't left the house and it's been so enjoyable for both of us.  Hmmm.  Perhaps we need to do that more often.  Too much rushing around, going there and here.....I am getting it.

Tomorrow is the last day of school before spring break!  Ahhh- I cannot wait.  The girls cannot wait.  Friday we are starting it off by taking the big girls to the Magic game.  Bob, after 6 years of waiting, finally got the company's tickets!  Lila will play with Tia and Tony for the night.  It should be fun!!  Monday- Thursday we will be out at Orange Lake with good friends.  Cannot wait for that either.  Monday is Bob's b-day and Rich is making a BBQ pork dinner.  Thursday we will wake up, pack up, and head over to Busch Gardens for the day.  Lina has been dying to get there.....and I told her if she made her AR goal we would go.  Which is not a problem for the girl because she reads and reads and reads, but she hates those tests.  And I can't blame her, but she needed to do them.  And she did.

I go to the oncologist tomorrow just to touch base.  I always like those appointments.  I like hearing, "you're doing great" and I will ask him to tell me again that "it's all gone"....and I will be good for a few days.